Love Conquers All

Sandrine aka Zhang Rong Rong is a Talented Beauty

2011-03-29T18:13:00.000-07:00

Taiwan has a rising star. A new movie queen . I couldn't agree more for after knowing her through the taiwan's drama Endless Love it is really an eye opener. I am not a big fan of taiwan's drama series production but Rong Rong is an amazing actress and she truly brought her role to life.Rong Rong's has this gentle and forgiving smile that even if she is faking it it seemed really sincere and genuine. I have never seen a taiwan drama actress with such remarkable talent.Well for the leading actor, Wilber Pan did a good job. I think among many different Taiwan male actors that i have seen ,his acting skills in this drama is truly convincing. I believe there's a warm connection between myself and the plot of this drama series.Apart from the tragic death of Jing Hao's mother and his dad going dementia and Rui En's dad who turn into a complete arse because he was over protective. I mean apart from all those that never happened to me, there are similarities to my personal experiences. I once felt inferior and i feel that the girl that i love is just too good to be true and the part whereby Jing Hao felt inferior and try to distant himself from Rui En brings back a lot of memories. Rui En despite being chased away never gave up on the man that she loves and i find that very noble and memorable for once i knew a girl who had love me as much but the only difference would be that she gave up on us. I find that this drama gives me a lot of hope and i believe it would provide the same experience to others as well. Call me sappy or emo but this drama really touches my soul. Rong Rong is such a good actress and she's so good at the things that she does, till the extent that she made me feel like i want to reach out for her and comfort her as she was crying . Awesome acting...thumbs up

Promotion

2011-03-02T00:30:00.001-08:00

It has been a practise within my establishment
To climb the ladder we need to anticipate for an opening and apply
I have been passing out on two openings in lack of self confidence
Despite my achievements and endless compliments i'm still in lack of guts to try

Eventhough i have been constantly encouraged by my peers and supervisor
Each time i have the intention to apply i ended up not doing so
Perhaps it is the devotion towards my company and team mates that i'm not prepared to endure
Perhaps i am just taking things too slow

Alvy is right , we're not young anymore
How am i suppose to pass the torch to the younger generation if its not lighted
I have to learn to stop hiding behind
I have to show the company that i am also interested

Grandma

2010-11-08T09:54:00.000-08:00

October 31st marks the date for Celts celebration of spirits coming back for a home visit
It was on this same day that my beloved grandma's soul left her body
I was shaken with disbelief and kept asking myself is this it?
Grandma i should have came back earlier and pay you a visit,i'm left speechless incapable to say it out,only by tears to show you i am sorry

Guided by taoist and rituals that were foreign to me
Walking in circles around your coffin and the funeral parlour
Each circle i take brings back a memory of you and me
Reminding me of how much you have sacrificed for our family,uttering a prayer hoping you could hear

Each time i kneel down,i could hear your words of advice
Flashbacks of my childhood as you bathe, feed and took good care of me
You would wake up as the sun rises just to get my favourite breakfeast and eventhough it was in a village you made sure that my life was comfortable and nice
I never have the opportunity to tell you how much i love you,i hope you are able to see

Every bow i take reminds me of how much you have suffered
As i touch your kind face for the last time it breaks my heart to know that i would not be able to see you again
Of the times you have cried with regrets and the endless pain that you have rendered
I was filled with sorrow too and kept wishing that i could take away your pain

Yet , this is not goodbye for you would always remain in a very special place within my heart
Grandpa misses you so, and so is the rest of our family
Grandma, i have always been afraid that this day would come and we would be really far apart
In someplace,sometime,you have never left, you've always been here with me

10/10/10

2010-10-09T18:21:00.000-07:00

Today is an auspicious day people say
The 10th day of the 10th month of year 2010
For myself it ought to mean my youthful days are over and away
Yet it felt like yesterday i went to bed being seventeen and i woke up as a 27 year old man

I have been through a lot being seventeen
I have been loved by maidens and admired by many
Eventhough i have not always been academically promising
Life has been very fair to me

There were times of glory and there were moments of despair
There were times i blame life and hated my existence
Till one fine day i woke up to the blazing sun and realise that lady luck has always been there
I was too troubled with sorrow that i forgot to live my life with passion

These ten years have been filled with endless passion
Dare to live,dare to love and dare to face its consequences
Someday,i may grow old with alzheimer,lots of wrinkles, a few strains of hair and a bad vision
Somehow, i shall never regret for having a blessed life as the son of my parents,a real brother to my sisters

Till the day i am no longer around to continue this blog
My passion would be read out loud and spread around by story tellers just like a legend
Old is just out of my dictionary,i shall never allow myself to be out of stock
My heart and soul will always be seventeen ,i'm the heir to an immortal prophecy,an ageless descendant

Yester Years

2010-10-05T20:03:00.000-07:00

Do you remember the times we used to tease and tickle each other?
Sharing secrets and laughter
By having you around me, i was always looking forward for each day after another
I really wanted to hold you close the day you shed a tear

Do you remember the way we used to walked down the hallways
Walking passed classes ,strangers and people we know
How you used to insist on slinging my bag and putting on my name tag just to play
I was naive enough to believe there's many more moments like this for time passes real slow

Do you remember the number of times you have skipped classes just to hang around with me
Sharing dreams and ambitions that only belong within the world of our own
I do remember resting my head on your lap and wished it would last for eternity
While you were caressing my hair i sense your love for me,eventhough it was mere actions alone

I do remember we were really tight, we were very close
Till the extent friends took us for lovers by mistake
Is it really a misunderstanding and you're nothing more than my closest buddy or have you been living within me from the very beginning, blossoming as a rose
Till this day, we would never know the way we feel for each other,our beautiful moments were formed, fallen from the sky and turned into water just like a snow flake

Today as i hold back my breath,i had to hold back my feelings as well
Watching you walking down the hallway again but this time with someone else
Witnessing the time of your life while you're exchanging oath,i shed tears of joy while wishing you well
Till we meet again some other time,some place else...do you remember?

Dreams & Material Expectations

2010-08-25T04:51:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been in a circumstance which you find it hard to differenciate dreams and reality? Have you ever woke up one fine day and realised the stuff that you've been doing which feels so real,so genuine as if you're really doing it isn't happening in the first place?

I have the courtesy of experiencing such a dream.I dreamed of going back to law school part time while working.Everything seemed so real including my classmates,lecturer,studying materials and the length of time we took to study and sit for exams.It gets even more strange as i experienced dreaming about the same dream everyday as if one dream is a continuation of another. Day by day as i come back from work and get into a deep sleep it was time for class to begin.

Theory of inception? someone planted this dream into my head? It would be cool if it really did happen. At least i wouldn't sit here blogging and feeling so lost . Perhaps it is this gut feeling in me that would like to return to my studies. No, i have made a deal with myself to save up to buy a house and purchase a new car. Studies can wait. I need to work hard to get a golden bone to shut the mouth of those who looked down on me.

I have always had the impression that i would get a house build once i am steadily married but according to my sister ,getting a house should be made a priority before getting a car or buying a new car. Eventhough this idea sounds absurd but it does have its logics from a financial standpoint. My sweet old granny in the other hand,provided her point of view from a traditional standpoint. According to grandma, i am the only son in my family so my parents house would eventually be my inheritance and i need not worry about not having a house of my own.

Well,i do not know if my parents live by that concept but it does feel good to have a house that i build with my own earnings. It is a good investment. My house isn't necessarily occupied by myself . I can always rent it out and wait for its value to increase and sell it off.I have a lot to think in my mind right now. I am controlling myself from buying a car first eventhough Alza seemed so tempting as if its calling out for me. I should get a house first but it feels really inconvenient to not have a car that belongs solely to me instead of sharing with my family members.

Love Does Exist In Many Forms

2010-07-28T20:36:00.000-07:00

I have been in but never seem to fall out of love. It is strange because usually people fall in and out of love. I guess being a libran my life is always filled with romance and eventhough at times people find me too emotional or too sappy it doesn't bother me at all for i have faith in the purity of love.

Some of my friends find that my mindset is ridiculous and unrealistic and yes it is true indeed but if everything in life has to be cold and realistic then life is as good as death for there is no imagination, no passion, no drive nor motivation to stand up in the name of love. There are those who believe that the truth about life is just being born into this world, reproduce,populate this world and continue our generation and then pass on to the realm of death.Love, to them is just a gimmick, an idea that is created by men to make life more interesting. According to these people, love is nothing but lies .Romance is just a result of our hormones because men are created to meet,mate and reproduce since the cavemen days.

As for myself, i believe that love and romance isn't just an idea to make reproduction seem more interesting.I believe we have far evolved eversince the cavemen period and we don't go around simply grabbing a girl and mate .I believe love has a larger than life meaning than merely to reproduce.

I still believe in the greatness of a noble love. Our ancestors during the cave men period eventhough they were barbarians,without education,without ethics but i believe as they choose their ladies to mate, there must have been feelings of love apart from hormones and the urge to have sex.The only difference is that at that time, they are unable to identify and distinguish their feelings for each other. The only thing that they are aware of as cavemen would be the fact that loneliness isn't exactly cool and therefore they hunt in search of companions.

Sex without love isn't as amazing as sex out of love.Genghis Khan had many concubines but he was one of the most loneliest man in history and it is because he never seem to be able to experience the feeling of being loved in return by those ladies he raped and forcefully get them to bear his children.

Primitive Society and their Discriminative Laws

2010-07-26T00:27:00.000-07:00

I have heard of extremist groups within religion acting and condoning extreme actions being performed in the name of religion or in good faith of God. I have seen wars being declared and innocent lives perished in the name of the Holy Spirit. I have seen wives without husbands and children growing up without fathers and continue growing up just ensure that the vengeance of their forefathers and their blind faith will continue living inside of them.

I mean take a look at ourselves and i'm not just referring to our reflections in the mirror.Us, human beings , each and everyone one of us are followers of a religion. Different streams of belief has got different ideas and concept towards the image of God and Satan.There are some belief that goes by the concept that our creator has got no image of its own for it is a divine force. There are also some who believe Christians believe God has image and we are all created in the image of God . God is light so normal human beings will not be able to look at God for his aura is simply too almighty. Some believe there's more than one God like the Greeks , Romans and the Hindus.

Well,whatever the concept is, no matter how God looks like it is always a good thing for a person to believe that we have a creator and we need to respect and love our creator and his creations and by believing in that idea it keeps us in peace and harmony among mankind.However, i feel that it is absurd if we are to label people based on the logo or symbols on their t shirts ,jerseys or jackets.

I mean come on, nobody has ever seen the Devil or Satan as we speak. What's wrong with having a picture or a logo of some creation with horns and a fork?? How certain can we be that this is how the Devil looks like?? We got to be dead to actually certify that for a fact right?

Love Is All Around

2010-07-15T19:39:00.000-07:00

I grew up in a loving environment watching my parents ,uncles and aunties lovey dovey and they love watching those dramatic Hindustani Bollywood movies on tv .During those years Korean soap operas were not popular among our locals. I grew up watching couples running in circles,circulating trees, rubber palm estates and roll down hills like Jack and Jill.

I recall my aunties used to be able to sing Hindustani songs eventhough they have no idea the meaning behind those lyrics sung. I am able to understand a word or two of the Hindi language ,haha the result of watching so many dramas. It was always the same ending and similar plots. It was always about forbidden love, love among different caste or love between mortals and Deities.

As it was time for me to play the role of an adolescent,i begin to watch cantonese and mandarin kungfu series and love stories. I enjoyed watching stories about swordsmen and their love interest . It was through these movies that i developed an in depth understanding of chinese literature and chinese history and culture. Eternal love legends such as Yang Guo and Xiao Long Nue or the story of the chinese moon Goddess Chang Er and the beautiful love epic of Shah Jahan and Mumtaz Mahal that inspired all lovers and architects worldwide.I read about places and people and it felt like i was there eventhough some stories were just fiction.

I love reading about sacrifices in the name of love and those who dare to love openly and recite poetry and compose beautiful music out of it just like Beethoven and he composed Fur Elise
and the Lover's Concerto written by Bach for Anna.

Nowdays, us guys who daringly love and portray love through tears and sacrifices are deemed as emo,gay or dramatic.Eternal love seemed to be nothing else but an unrealistic fiction but in those days such a love is legendary.People talk about it till this very day.

I have known a friend who waited four years for his beloved to speak to him again without complaints and eventhough after all that wait they were not together,it was never in vain for he waited out of love.

I have also known a guy who was forced into marriage without having an opportunity to fall in love. Love exist in many forms. It is the most simplest concept ever but we as humans choose to complicate things and pollute the pure foundation of love. Society choose to turn love into a trade and filled this idea with requirements and conditions.Love never requires a reason to exist but due to the expectations of society, love becomes cruel,cold and manipulative. Love becomes a bargain and game where the rich monopoly.

I used to believe that love is ever lasting and then i really fell in love and i wanted to own love, to protect love and my attempt of protecting my love becomes excessive,extreme till the extent it became dominating and selfish. I was blinded with ego and i thought it was a part of being in love. I went through hardship and tough times only to understand that love is not about owning but a divine state of love is to give all i can to see the people i love happy and the satisfaction from that deed keeps love growing inside of me.

My friends laughed at me for believing in the concept of eternal love and some of them intentionally show me pictures of my former flame with her new boyfriend just to irritate me but it does not work anymore because i have learned that if i am unable to make her happy,i really wish that someone else can make her happy for me.I am aware that some of you are in the same opinion with that of my friends that i am just idiotic for pretending to be noble but i don't care what people think about me anymore.I believe this is the right way to love someone.

Drinking Is Not For Pride & Glory

2010-07-05T01:21:00.000-07:00

There are people who are addicted to drinking,condemned to crave for the taste of alcohol for for the rest of their sorrowful lives. By not having alcohol ,these people would sweat a lot, it feels uneasy, hands would tremble and body feels weak. I on the other hand is addicted to the attention that i received upon drinking more than others .

It had always felt good to be respected,complimented and recognised for being a better drinker.It was an achievement to have higher alcohol resistance and after the break up and all the other problems in life, i grew closer to alcohol and i have somehow turned into an alcoholic.
However, i was not the typical type of alcoholic that couldn't live without alcohol. I soon discover that my craving for alcohol is just a cover towards my craving of recognition and respect which i blindly believe i was receiving by setting a meaningless record among my friends.

My friends replied i am lying whenever i told them i wanted to quit drinking. My friends feel that it was just small talk and it would never happened because i would always run back to alcohol.Eventually, i would.It reaches a point in time that i seemed to have believe that there is no turning back for me. It is impossible, i cannot live without drinking.

Once a drinker always a drinker. This saying doesn't apply to me anymore. Yes, i have been lying to myself. I have been deceiving myself that i am a really good drinker or an awesome tanker but the truth is there would always be someone better than me.I have always been living in a lie that drinking is a manly hobby.It is a way to drown sorrows and stress. Soon,somehow it became a record that i have to keep . What's the point?? What am i trying to prove?

I used to tease and make jokes of those who cannot drink and their faces turned red while mine don't. I guess i am the biggest joke. Drinking till i passed out isn't magnificent or glorifying.It is humiliating and degrading.I guess a real man is one that has the will power to stop from an addiction not fall deeper.

Dreams

2010-06-26T05:33:00.000-07:00

It felt so good to be home and it is not the double storey concrete shelter my uncle provided.It feels alive again to be with my parents and my sisters and relatives back here eventhough at times we ran out of topics to talk about but just by being by their side i could feel the family bond once again.

I have heard many stories about people leaving their family in search of adventure, to be independent and to chase after their goals in life. However , i believe those who have done so are just feeling the same way i am feeling .

Leaving home is one of the many ways to train myself to be more independent and to relieve my parents burden. The way i look at it, it is some time off for me to absorb new skills and knowledge and make more money so that i am able to come back and provide my parents with a more comfortable life.

My parents are quite well to do but i have always wished to provide them with a more lucrative lifestyle. I have always asked myself what would i do if i have millions of dollars? and i have always had the same intention of relieving my father's burden by taking charge of our family's day to day expenses and my sisters education. Someday, if i hit the jackpot, i would bank in a huge sum to my mom and dad's account for their allowances.

I do realise that the sacrifices of my mother and father can never be compensated with monetary rewards but i really do wish that i can give them the best in terms of standards of living. All these years since i was a kid in primary school till i am an adult today,i have changed minds over many things in life but i have never let go of this dream.

I want to be an entrepreneur so that i am able to realise my dream in this lifetime. I want to make loads of cash and not because i am aiming to buy an island or a boat . I hope that someday when i am rich enough, i would be able to contribute more to organisations that provides shelter to the homeless and abandoned old folks and babies.

I am not a science genius and i would not be able to come up with a scientific discovery on the cure to AIDS or Dengue fever but given the chance, i would like to contribute and live a meaningful life.

Second Chance

2010-06-18T11:16:00.000-07:00

A few days ago i blogged about my story or more like my pathethic emotional breakdown because i seemed to have lost the one that i am genuinely in love with. It was really long and sappy as always and if i were to keep it going i would have probably published a book.It felt so good to pour it all out through blogging for blogs don't provide crappy suggestions and it certainly do not lure me to spending on beers just to find a friend to speak out.

It felt really good to spill the beans and i have just deleted this particular blog as a promise to myself that it is really over now. I'm done with it. Pardon me if there were grammatical errors in my writings for blogging to me it is like letting out to a friend so i don't reckon that i need to speak the Queen's English while i am speaking to a friend but just stay myself and keep it real.

All this time i seemed to have let go and all i ever wanted was to acknowledge that she is happy with the new guy but i am not as macho as i tought i was in accepting the fact that things have changed for i was still held back to the good times we have shared four years ago.I was at my friend's place and we were watching this comedy with John Cusack and that guy who played "the thing" in Fantastic Four. It is just another low budget humorous fiction just like Sex Drive but the casting was awesome and most importantly it reminded me to stay focus towards a lot of important details in my life that i seemed to have been missing while i was waiting for the impossible.

It is a movie about four guys and they fell into a hot tub during their vacation and somehow they got themselves a ride back in time while they were teenagers and it was awesome because they get to experience it all again and undo mistakes that were done and pull back words that was not meant to be said.It seemed like a cool option to have the second time around.

What would you do if you have the chance to travel back in time ?Imagine if you are able to go back to high school and do it all over again, would you still choose the same path? make the same decisions?I believe if it was me i would take a different route and re-live my dreams.Well , we all know this is just a stupid dream and it is as dumb as attempting to fly and land on the Sun.

Yet, it wouldn't kill to have a landscape of imagination for that is the root of a person's creativity
and though i have been waiting all this time for my take two, i do realise after four years that in life there can never be a second take but i am the producer,the scripwriter and the director of my life. I cannot changed the things that happened but i can call it a cut and learn from my mistakes and be a better person and a better lover.

I wished life is as simple as jumping into a hot tub and travel back in time and fell in love with the same girl and this time hold on to her real tight but No, fiction remains a fiction.It was a geeky approach and a clear example of an asshole living in denial.I thought i was living in her legacy but i am living in my own stubborness of not being able to let go ,completely let go.

I thought love ought to be noble enough for me to wish for her happiness but it can never be a noble decision as long as i am still entrapped and wounded throughout these years.How can i expect to bring happiness if i have guilt and pain circulating around me all the time?It is time for me to treat myself better with a second chance not by trying to build a time machine but through moving on and open my doors to a new relationship.

The thought of being in the role that Cusack was playing in this movie to be able to go back it wouldn't change the order of nature for if it is not meant to be eventually we would break up again.I should learn to embrace the good things in life that i am enjoying and live like i am dying just like that song from Tim McGraw "Live like you were dying"

Finally

2010-06-16T09:43:00.000-07:00

Finally i am able to spill it out
At last i am able to let her go
I am ready to start anew beyond any reasonable doubt
I have put my past behind and am looking forward for tomorrow

Yet my tomorrow scares me sometimes
As i read about what our society has become
With the increase in freak shows and unusual crimes
I'd rather get myself to continue sleeping with a rum

Newborns being abandoned and left to die
Outcome of temporary orgasm
True love becomes a pick up line, a white lie
How can we allow this to happen? to allow irresponsible decisions blossom

Younger men nowdays are becoming weaker
Choosed to end their precious lives due to words of mouth
Young minds are corrupted instead of growing healthier
How can we show them the right directions if we're asking them to look for north and they go south?

Young girls nowdays are becoming more naive
Upon knowing it is a trap they still choosed to walk into one
How can we bnring an end to this stubborness, how can they be saved?
I am rather doubtful of our future generation, will there ever be a sun?

Which Girl??

2010-06-10T10:17:00.000-07:00

Yesterday at lunch she asked
Within my office walls which girl strikes my attention?
I was the one laughing at last
For it was a hillarious question

At least for me it was so
For among all my office beauties i feel for none
It was strange to her though
It seemed like i was hiding myself,trying to escape,trying to run

My reply to her was simply the first thing that crossed my mind
I did not favor anyone from our office for i was too focus at work
Perhaps i was too shy or maybe i suck at pick up lines
I guess she was not satisfied,her curiosity had gone beserk

The truth is i may have fallen for a girl ,it could be anyone of them
Yet i was living in constant denial of my own feeling
Or i am still waiting for the fruitless wait,the love that has been condemned
It has been years and i am still waiting

Am i able to learn how to love again?
Maybe so, just like a newborn learning how to crawl
It is a part of the process falling down ,get hurt and feel the pain
Perhaps someday i am able to hold a lover in my arms again,someday i shall stand up tall

-this piece is written with my colleagues as inspiration for they kept interviewing me about the girls that i am fond of and kept listing out every girl within our department and how do i think about them which was really funny but inspiring as well.

Am I Chasing After A Dream or An Empty Space?

2010-06-02T09:25:00.001-07:00

It has been weeks since i last touched my keyboard and express myself through blogging.It was rather inconvenient for me in the past for i had to compete and rush for opportunity to access the net facility provided by my company's internet kiosk. I had to rush for computers with a bunch of Facebook farmers, cafe owners and mafias.

Apart from all that commotion, if i am to blog at home, i had to head back hundreds of miles to my hometown for a comfortable pc experience in my own hall.I believe i made the right decision to purchase Dell Inspiron 14R for it gives me a whole new set of experience. Apart from its cool softwares, it comes in really handy for a blogger such as myself for i am able to write out my train of thoughts instantly without having to save them in my cellphone and blogged about them later on.

It is more than a gadget . It is my weapon towards all the bullshit in life. It is my companion who would listen and absorb my ups and downs without complains unless it ran out of battery.It is my instrument to write and practise freedom of expression without any boundaries.It is my nude model if i am a painter.

I believe some colleagues of mine were freaked out at times whenever there were low call que and i stared endlessly at the screen as if i am staring into thin air. Yet, it was not known that only my body was in front of the computer while my sea of thoughts were dwelling in a different realm.A place of my own.Yea call me a day dreamer but it was during those times that i was putting full concentration unto my next step in life.Well excluding the time that i fell asleep.

I had a lot playing in my mind. What's going to be my next step? Am i going anywhere from here? Do i see myself being promoted years later?All i see is the side of me that has been truly exchausted and screaming for a life, to be really living not merely surviving.

Control Macho vs Playing Macho

2010-05-02T05:36:00.000-07:00

Is there a difference between playing macho and control macho?? Oh yes there is a thin red line that separates these two types of characteristics. Control Macho is our local term and i believe it defines the attitude of trying to stay as cool as it gets within international interpretation .

Many celebrities are well known for their control macho attitude for example Jay Zhou the Taiwanese hip hop superstar who is well known for constantly looking at the ground with his cap covering his mashimaro pair of eyes . I do not know as to whether his a really shy dude or his got some problem with his neck. Well, one thing's for sure he does not have a valid driver's license because if he has one then it would raise questions as to how he sat for his test while looking down??

Keanu Reeves the good looking heart throb from Matrix is also well known for controlling macho. Keanu's facial expression is always a blank expression. Elvis , Travolta and hell a lot more of them are also from the same species. I guess it is a trait for a celebrity to always control macho in case papparazis are around.

Apart from celebrities , normal people such as me and you control macho too. At times without realising and at times just to feel cool about ourselves. I recall at the age of seven i stole my dad's brandy but not to consume it but rather to have it applied around my face to have that sensational unshaved look like Sylvester from Rambo. It was sensational alright. O yeah, the burning sensation on my face which leaves me with red rashes around my mouth and neck area as if i have just received a bitch slap from a furious ex girlfriend. It is a clear cut example of my failed attempt in playing macho. However, as my relatives laughed hysterically and questioned me if it hurts, i replied that i feel no pain and now this is an example of me applying the control macho theory. Suprisingly, there were no hair growing at that time but 20 years later, i have got hair all over my neck and side burns that seem to grow thicker than ever even after i have just got them shaved few days back.

I recall growing up as an adolescent idolising Elvis and Travolta. Oh yes that was the Saturday Night Fever era. I foolishly printed out a picture of Travolta online and brought it to the barber and specifically instructed my barber to style me up with that hairdo from Grease. My hair undergone an hour of perm session and it became really stiff. My friends at school was shocked and kept wondering "What on earth happened to me during the holidays?"

I told them it was the side effect of a shampoo with perm control chemicals and they bought my story. My hair was super stiff until my comb got stucked in between my hair as i was combing it and it took me some time to kill trying to untangle the comb from my hair. It was not entirely a failed attempt. As a matter of fact it was a successful attempt for i got that hairdo that i wanted.
During my teenage years i was inspired by this biker dude with his hair all comb backwards as he conquers the dessert with his Harley and his leather jacket. Well being at that age it was impossible for me to afford a leather jacket so i had a glossy,black rain coat instead or more like a wind breaker.

Yeah that was the whole idea of playing macho during my younger years. Control macho i have got a fair share of experiences as well. I remembered that i met up with this childhood play mate that i have been longing to meet for ages and we bumped into each other in some kind of charity fair. Despite all the eargerness to speak to her and all the excitement of finally meeting her again, i had to cast her aside, pretended to seem busy for "God Knows Why" and i have never seen her again ever since.

What Makes A Man?

2010-05-01T15:38:00.000-07:00

Treat people the way you would like to be treated. At times i feel that this saying is simply untrue and lessons in life is just a great big hoax.It is true that by treating people with respect we get respected, yea it was that way during my parents time.

Nowdays, if we pour out sincerity towards helping a friend most likely we will be taken advantage of or at least i have been scam on numerous occasions, unspeakable events and not so memorable moments. During my parent's time people were more simple minded and without Facebook and Friendster or My Space and Twitter,life still goes on just by mailing each other through postal services.

During those good old nostalgic days, love isn't a game of empty promises and tough luck. It makes me sick looking at guys who prey on girls one after another as if its some kind of hobby or lifestyle and once they're done the poor victims are shared among their peers. It disgust me just by listening to these stories.

Who am i to judge?? I am not qualified to condemn these people for i was once young and irrational. In one point of my reckless life,i have accepted meaningless bets in getting to know and date girls just for the sake of proving something which appears to be nothing. Now flashing back to the past, i felt really ashamed of myself for being so ignorant . How could i have participate in such a meaningless game of deceit?

Yet, would i have been this way if i have not been deceived again and again?Once again who is in the wrong ? who is in the right?Yea whatever it is i have lost the one girl that i'm prepared to give my whole life and i believe it is a chain of cause and effect.

Having more than one girlfriend isn't something to be proud of or something that we should celebrate about. Friends that encourages such a conduct are not reliable friends for they are about to go down and they are bringing me down with them.I no longer support such an idea, it is no longer fun . It isn't having a record of girls around your belt that makes a guy worthy of being a man, but it is the ability to just stay true to one and say no to others that makes one a man.

Parenthood-Its Not Easy Being A Parent

2010-04-30T16:49:00.000-07:00

I head back to my hometown every weekend
I guess as i am growing older i have got this feeling
Deep within i am beginning to treasure every second spent
Nothing else matters besides being with my family, even if its just lying around,slacking

To slowly observe my father's hair turning greyish white
Its not stunning at all, not even close to Richard Gere
Feeling his hardship,contributing to our family with all his might
Refusing to take a break, refusing to retire

There i was chillin and enjoying bachelorhood
No worries and commitment,leading the life of a teenager
And one day i just opened my eyes and understood
It is time for my parents to walk the path of pleasure,the path their hearts desire

It saddens me to witness their eyesights slowly deteriorate
Yet refusing to admit that they have got a bad eyesight
Eventhough i wanted to get them spectacles before its too late
However being parents , they would always want to be right

As i hear stories about them falling sick
It worries me from day to day,longing to pay them a visit
Eventhough i am not a doctor and my contribution may not be as big
Yet i just want to spend more time with them,almost every bit

As i see some of my friends parents bed ridden and some passed away
I realised life isn't just short but it is a movie without a rewind mode
Looking at the ocean i sometimes pray
Hoping my parents would leave longer than i do, sincerely i hope

Old folks kept telling my parents that i am a gift to them
Yet the way i looked at it, my parents are the unconditional gift from heaven
I really appreciate their endless love and affection
Love that is shown in many ways , sometimes gentle,sometimes stern

Turn Around

2010-04-11T11:43:00.000-07:00

Of all that i have seemingly gone through
Rewrites my fate in this game of odds and possibilities
Redirect my believe towards an everlasting love that i thought was true
Of all the sweetness and fragrance we've had like a field of daisies

Eversince it all ended it was tough for me to start over
I know its not any easy for you as well
For the good times we've had isn't just an after booze hang over
Each time i walked into places we've been, memories just rings a bell

Perhaps it is true, at least it is to me
This feeling remains despite all that had happened
I blamed myself for our tragedy
I stop living in guilt as i have eventually learned

From the fact that i have learned i know this for sure
Your feelings for me have died a long time ago
A changed of heart happened sometime earlier
Eventhough my flames have never died on you,eventhough

How can i ever bring myself to commit once again?
Would i ever trust another serious enough to stay together?
I don't see a tomorrow for all i feel is pain
I guesss all by myself seemed alright,its for the better

Over and Over Again

2010-04-11T11:14:00.001-07:00

It seemed to me that regardless of the effort i put in
At getting things right and earn some recognition
Problems seemed to be crawling around me in this line of work i am in
Just as i thought it was over , it came back and the end of it was just a frigment of my imagination

I am losing the drive in chasing after compliments
For it seemed like the more rewards obtained, the more problems awaits
Perhaps i should just stay satisfied with a life of abundance
Perhaps i have been too ambitious and greed become my best mate

I despise this feeling of uncertainty
Feeling threatened all the time
Will i ever enjoy peace again? could be just maybe
Or would all these unnecessary stress kill me before my time

I could have turn my friend in, yes i could
Yet i should stand up for my own mistakes and not dragging others along
Eventhough she's a part of the mistake, yes i should
Yet, it won't change the fact that i am in a wrong

Am i dumb or retarded for swallowing the mistakes all by myself?
Haven't those experiences from my past taught me anything ?
In being too nice to my friends i'm just attempting suicide on myself
Why do i keep doing this sort of thing?

CNY

2010-01-07T10:07:00.000-08:00

It is that time of the year again
Chinese lions would roam the streets
Cheer and laughter eases all pains
Mandarin oranges have never felt so sweet

I am grateful for each year i am able to celebrate
To convey messages of love and peace
To know that my parents are well as they age
To gather with the rest of the family members and enjoy a grand feast

There's nothing more that i could have asked for
Apart from ensuring i have the resources to keep my parents well and happy
I hope Uncle Longevity will keep knocking on our door
For me to stay fillial to my parents till they're a century..or more

As If They Understand

2009-12-30T04:49:00.000-08:00

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer was the valuable piece of advice that was given to me by a wise old friend. I guess it was because he felt that i am being too nice to my friends and for some friends it is just not worth it being too nice to them for they wouldn't appreciate the good treatment .

However, i have always believed in the spirit of forgiveness and tolerance. I am not able to forgive and forget , no it takes a saint to do that but i am able to forgive and tolerate . Yea have been doing it for a while. I have friends who truly understands me and i have friends who think that they understand and pretend to take interest in my hobbies and passion but we all know it for a fact that they don't give a damn.

Take these friends of mine for instance. A bunch of people who claimed that they know me but they claimed that i write poems to impress the opposite sex which is so not me.

I guess they got that idea stucked in their shallow heads due to the fact that there was a point in my past that i would send poems to random people that i barely know online . I guess i just love to write and it feels good to receive feedbacks from people be it positive or constructive feedbacks for it shows that they actually read my work.I used to enjoy sending poems to guys and girls especially those strangers or friends of my friends for i would like to know their perception of my work without having to know me.

My passion was interpreted in a wrong way and news were spread that i compose poems only for girls and i send poems to random girls out of the blue which sounded extremely ridiculous to my ears. My friends find it hard to believe that i do share my poems with other guys as well.It is true that i share more poems with girls rather than guys because most of the dudes within my circle of friends feel that writing poems isn't manly or isn't cool instead its lame and emo and they come up with all sorts of ridiculous comments making fun of my passion towards writing and dancing.

If one pretend to seem interested but later on picked on your passion which you're so serious about as a subject of mockery , would you want to share any of your ideas or work with that person? imagine having to love dancing and as you have invested time to explain to your friends about dancing they feel that dancing is a gay sport, would you bother explaining any further?
So as my friends asked me the reason i have never write poems for them or to them well isn't it obvious by now ??

Xmas and Music, a lovely pair

2009-12-21T15:40:00.000-08:00

3 days to go as we countdown for Christmas, in celebration of Christ the noble hearted's birth. I guess due to the tight budget i'm saving up cash for Christmas Eve celebration by hanging out at mamak joints and jamming with my friends . Yea, i'm still pretty much trying to realise my dream of becoming the next rock legend. Take note not a rock star but a legend.

I am born with an ear for music as people often commented. Well i guess i'm just a lazy slacker whose been playing music or inventing tunes with the courtesy of my sharp hearing and my love for music. Even as a lad at the age of 10 for i find it easier for me to memorise musical tunes and lyrics rather than those thick and over compiled pieces of papers our Education system label as textbooks.

I guess the reason i have solid ground in the English language apart from reading lots of novels and fables ,it is because of music. I chased away my piano teacher at the age of 7 by making him really pissed and quit {i believe he pissed in his pants too}. I did the same to my organ teacher who was such a nice and patient lady by staring at the paintings of snow white instead of those taugeh on paper they call my manuscript. As i recall down memory lane, the only instrument that i actually excel in would be the triangle looking object whose name i forgot but i enjoyed hitting . Ting, ting,ting it went as if Santa's sleigh was flying around the corner.

I was such a terror to musical experts and it went on until i was twelve and it just came to me. I picked up a guitar and started pressing all over the 6 stringed instrument and because i have always enjoyed listening to music , it seemed a lot easier for me to identify the do, re ,mi's and it felt like a miracle as i am able to play songs that i have heard from the radio, every single tune. I went on in discovering that i am able to do the same with the piano and organ. I am still able to recall the first song that i have played which was a cha cha number and i do believe that was an early sign that i would be taking up the dance .

Many of my friends and friend's of my family gave plenty of words of encouragement after listening to me play. I thought at the beginning they were just being nice but it seemed that they were pretty impressed with my new found skills and it made me feel spirited as if i have just stumbled upon a chest of gold. However, i am aware that since i have not attended any formal music classes therefore compared to those that have been attending, i am far behind.

I believe it is out of my love for music that the art of dancing captivates me easily. Alvina's right, a music lover may fall in love with dancing. As for my love for writing out poems , apart from being a person that showers my feelings out in writing, it must have been because i enjoy singing and memorizing lyrics for ballads .

Singing for me was a bath time routine for i used to be really shy and even if am held at gun point i would never dance what more sing? It was not until last 2 years that a friend of mine kidnapped me to KTV that i grow fond of karaoke. I remember singing "I Miss You Like Crazy " during my teenage years rehearsel for my friends formed a mini band and each of us had to sing and get ourselves familiarize with the tune . Flower seemed to have blossomed from the mouth of those girls complimenting me for having a nice voice. I recall blushing and my pale complexion turned red as if someone had me kicked at the groin.

Plucking the tunes out of my guitar seemed to be a lot of fun for i play by do,re,mi therefore it was like playing the piano on strings. However i wasn't very good with strumming for it involves a lot of chords which means it requires learning up those chords. It also mean i am better at lead compared to rhythm . I am determined to get rid of this flaw by slowly picking up guitar chords and piano chords whenever possible.

My friends wanted to jam and though it has been gazillion of years since i have last jammed, it sounded like a lot of fun and a lot of challenge. Jamming isn't easy for it requires team work, sychronizing and lots of tolerance among fellow band members and through my previous experiences there were lots of arguements and disagreements.

As for this band which is consisting of only 3 of us in the meantime , each of us has got high level of tolerance so i believe there wouldn't be much to argue about. It may appear to sound pretty strange for the other two are more towards death metal and those really extreme metal music and i'm more into ballads and rock and roll but we share the same passion for music and we do listen to practically all genres except techno which is pretty much senseless to our ears. Techno we believe is the music for the tone deaf. I mean come on there's no rhythm, no good drums, no lead, no good vocals , just basses in rage.

I choosed to play the bass this time for i enjoy plucking but anyhow i am determined to pick up the drums, piano and other techniques of guitar playing especially harmonics which seemed really awesome. By any chance, if if have mastered those, i may want to try out Gu Zheng,the ancient chinese stringed instrument. It has got like hundreds of strings attached to it and i have played it once and believe it or not i actually played Colour Of The Wind from Vanessa Williams.

A Christmas Secret

2009-12-18T09:18:00.000-08:00

This Xmas

I say a secret prayer
Accompanied by lots of hopes and comfort
For this is my eternal blessing for my naughty twin so dear
I hope she'll like it though this may sound absurd

Felice Navidad

Awaiting patiently for an answer
I've been really good this year if only Santa could hear me
No presents from Northpole that can satisfy me more than seeing Alvy and Edina happy, not even a factory of BEER
And these words aren't just wishes but a little prayer that come out of me sincerely

Shinnen Omedeto.Kurisumasu omedeto.

If only i could continue these wishes in Japanese but this is as far as i get
Old folks say it is the thought that counts, so Alvy i hope this piece would be your second treasure apart from the Ipod that you've wanted real bad
It is always nice to have friends remembering you from across the ocean

Nathar Putha Varuda Valthukkal

Christmas sounded really vulgar in Tamil
Yet i believe the spirit is as loving as it is in other languages
For you this piece is composed as weird as it feels
If you're not satisfied , there won't be compensation for loss or damages , hoho merry christmas

Conflict, Good Friends or Enemy In The Blanket?

2009-12-16T12:14:00.000-08:00

Many from the older generation feel that i still have a lot more to experience since i am only 26 years of age which i do not deny. Yet the countless amount of backstabbings and betrayals i have experienced seemed to be more than those friends i know that are 40 or 50 years old have experienced.

This for a fact isn't something to be proud of or somekind of recordbreaking event in the history of my life. These are just painful experiences, unbelieveable experiences of the process that i have gone through owing it big time to a bunch of people i call my friends or "brother"

To describe myself, i am not much of a fighter though i always believe that i should live with a warrior spirit of never giving up and dare to stand up for the things that matters to me. If i have a choice i'd rather choose to peace out instead of getting myself into trouble.

Some labelled me as lack of agressiveness but i look at myself as playing it street smart to keep myself out of trouble. Getting involved in gang fights, getting blacklisted in police stations all around the country and checking in and out of prison cells isn't cool to me and neither is it macho though some of the guys i know purposely get themselves caught to leave a reputation among our peers.

I once was close to a dude and he was like a brother to me but i have never given credits to his attitude of boasting and bossing our friends around . A lot of our friends have never liked him but because we didn't want to hurt his feelings, our disagreements towards his ways were never brought up. I guess most of our friends do not like the idea of him trying to steal the attention each time we're out for tea .

I do not know whether it was done conciously or subconciously but most of the time when his around,he would condemn other people's stories and expect people to listen to his stories, follow his examples, as if his our big boss or something and we were obliged to listen to him.

It happened to me too at times subconciously but the only difference is upon realising it i didn't
take pride in it thinking that i can never be wrong and i must always be right.I once asked him that both of us had our fair share of mistakes, yet why is it that a lot of people were annoyed by him? isn't it time for him to self reflect?

It became so annoying till it reaches a stage that each time we go out for tea no one wanted him around. I still recall him calling me and asking for our whereabouts and i actually had to lie because the rest isn't comfortable with his presence. Some of our friends find that his stories were too good to be true or too fake. I received a lot of negative feedbacks about this buddy of mine from lots of diferent people that had known him before me and i even had feedbacks from members of the gang that he had joined. It was ironic for even some of his own gang members didn't like him.

I guess i couldn't keep my disagreements and grudges towards him within me for long. It reaches a time i couldn't take it any longer and upon a small incident that turned into a major conflict, the situation actually created an opportunity for us to have a honest confrontation.I guess the way i look at it, it was a blessing in disguise for i was tired of being around pretending that it didn't bother me but it does.

We had a long chat, over the msn, over the phone and even face to face. I told him that we should handle things as adults and talk things over like a gentleman. A lot of disagreements were thrown out. Stuff that i have done that i have never thought bothered him finally came out. Issues that he had never thought had been an insult to me were highlighted. It was a long discussion of how we have disrespect each other and after all that talk and mixed emotions, we've finally come to a conclusion that all of us have flaws and all of us did something wrong towards the other before. I mean who has never backstabbed ? or who has never been a hypocrite? without knowing it,we did those things , we were those people.

The outcome was to forgive and though it will be tough to forget but we will put things behind us and try our best to start a new. It was a major disappointment to me, for a couple of days later, i received information that he went back to his old ways refusing to admit that he is ever in a wrong and pushed all the blame to me.Stories spread around like a wild forest on fire as if i am the culprit towards every wrong doing that had ever happened among us. Even then, i have never instilled hatred or vengeance towards this friend of mine. I am still looking forward in offering a sincere friendship but i am perceived as somekind of sworn enemy . Well this is life...

May Peace Fall Upon Us

2009-12-15T14:50:00.001-08:00

The season of Joy and Peace covers our earth once again after millions of blood shed and killings of the innocent. I kept asking the same question day after day. How long will it take for men to stop craving for power? How long would it take for children to stop suffering from war and land mines and famine?Until men stop being selfish and greedy, till then there would be power struggles and downfalls. Nobel Peace Prize is just another bowl of trophy. Every man which gets into power will somehow transform from working for the people to working for his people and ignoring other races and civilization from co existing.

I have had a lot of questions raised to me about my status as a bachelor. I am frequently asked as to the reason i am still single. I guess after several failed relationships, i am through with falling in love.I believe love is to provide my family especially my parents with a comfortable lifestyle. Hence, i need to work harder and save some money to take good care of them as they age.

Mom's beginning to have feet problems and dad has got weak body conditions too. Myself and my sisters have been brought up in a really cozy and loving environment.Our lives have been really blessed and comfortable to have such dedicated and compassionate parents. We may not be very wealthy but we are able to enjoy the luxuries of life thanks to them.

Even though mistakes happened, but every human has got flaws. As far as good parenting, they have done excellent jobs in nurturing us in being good people. I owe them this much and though i am aware that no money or love that return can ever be sufficient, i would still try my very best to provide them with all the love in this world.

I Wouldn't Forgo Dancing For A Million Bucks

2009-12-08T00:18:00.000-08:00

It has been real long since i last put on my dancing shoes and shades and do my thing on the dance floor. My passion and love for dancing cannot be described with words alone. It is not about being famous or to sparkle in competitions. It is more of feeling satisfied being able to dazzle around the dance floor and being acknowledge by other dancers that i am doing it right. It feels so free as if i am able to liberate myself from my body.

I remember as a kid during my time, we do not have roller blades but skates was in trend. My first pair of skates made me feel out of control, scared ,out of balance but once i get a hang of it,i've never felt so free as if i was flying. I guess this is the thrill that i get from dancing.

In life, i have made friends with people from all walks of life . I have never felt so belonged till i embrace the art of dancing. My mom tried to persuade my dad into dancing but i guess he is rather busy with his work and other hobbies such as golf and visiting places. At times i think busy is just an excuse. Perhaps my dad sees dancing as just another hobby and a waste of time. Perhaps my dad is worried that he might step on someone's feet or lose balance and embarass himself. Perhaps my dad thinks dancing isn't macho enough and at times i sense that he didn't like the idea of me dancing.

Whatever the reasons may be, after several failed attempts of trying to get him to feel the excitement of dancing, it was clear that his not at all interested. Due to incident in the past i think my dad has got a rather negative perception towards dancing and eventhough he didn't forbid my mom to continue dancing but it is rather obvious that he didn't like the idea.

My mom was very supportive of me dancing and taking after her foot steps but out of the blue she somehow changed her mindset and adviced me to concentrate on my career and other hobbies.I do understand that career comes first however it seemed like she's not as encouraging as she used to be towards the idea of me dancing.

I kept questioning myself "Why the change?" Well , its hard to understand my old folks nowdays.

Be One With Art

2009-11-11T21:20:00.000-08:00

Bruce Lee aka Little Dragon as he is known to be to the world especially chinese community from every block, every corner, every Chinatown of various nations. Many remember him to be the key that unlocked western bias minds towards the potential of asians to rock the world. A pioneer that had open doors for legendary martial artist such as the fearless Jackie Chan , the swift Jet Li and the determined Donnie Yen in making their chinese debut on an all American stage, the world's platform also known as Hollywood.

Bruce Lee earned my respect not out of his kungfu moves or his obnoxious scream or howl , shriek or whatever people call it. I recall sitting in front of the tv watching an exclusive interview with Bruce Lee being the featured guest of the day. Bruce mentioned that kungfu is known as an art for it contains every artistic element in each and every way. In kungfu's scriptures and manuals, one can find sayings such as to remain as calm as water and to be as swift as the wind. " To be as calm as water is to be one with water" Bruce once said and i truly agree that to be a master of a skill is to be one with that skill. It is the same in dancing for to be a good dancer is to be one with the dance, with the music.

In dancing we have got a lot of different dances, different variations. Emotional numbers such as the rhumba or perhaps the waltz, a dancer must be one with the emotion in order to feature a genuine dance pattern. Dancers are also actors and actresses for within that one moment on the dance floor we're playing different roles, roles that are generated from the music.

However once the dance is over, one must click out from the role and regain conciousness of ourselves. Water even if its spilled on the floor or poured into a cup or filled with filth is still water. We must not lose ourselves while we're having fun. We must not abuse the art and default its dignifying purpose by using it blatantly for other malicious intentions such as to seduce other people's spouses.

I believe dancing and martial arts have a lot in common. Both arts teaches me the way to live a meaningful and discipline life. In both arts also i have gained wonderful friends. In dancing i have supportive friends such as Alvy, Huay Nee, Wee Yi , Ray , Pam, Cyn, Audra and so on that have been my teachers and my motivation to improve my dance.

Coming to this, i recall there was once i was having lunch with a friend and another friend which was my former colleague approached our table and asked me whether i am still teaching dancing. I am not a dance instructor but i did share some knowledge of mine towards the art with a small group of my friends back then. My friend as usual interpreted it in his own funny way and the story goes around and it seemed like i have been telling ladies i teach dancing to hit on them. It was really hillarious and shocking for me to find out later on. Come on, get real if i am to create a pick up line, i wouldn't be labelling myself as a dance instructor for there's so many better dancers out there. I wouldn't want to invite shame, haha.

I have met some new friends quite recently with the love for dancing but they claimed to have elephant legs and they simply can't dance. What's an elephant leg? Does that make one a mutant?There is no such theory as far as i understand the art. Everyone can dance, those who think that they can't just need self boosters, self confidence.

At the very beginning,as i was instructed to provide dance lessons to my colleagues at work, a lot of my colleagues were doubtful that i could dance for i don't seem like i could dance at all but as soon as i started demonstrating,their jaws dropped open so wide and they kept repeating to themselves that it was unbelieveable . " How did he become so flexible?" they asked and my reply was "It is simply because i believe i am flexible"

Believing in our own capabilities, believing that we can also be as beautiful, as highly potential is not being delusional or living in self denial as some may call it.Never underestimate the power of confidence. Dances have never discriminated dancers , only humans choose to discriminate among ourselves.Once i had to choreograph and prepare my colleagues for a performance that was suppose to be for our company's Vice Presidents and Chairman's participation in our annual dinner. It was suppose to be really huge and i was not allowed to make any mistakes.I had a friend who was as stiff as Robocop and everyone had no confidence in him . "How are we going to move a lamp post?" I believe it can be done and true enough it took me three weeks but i made him dance in front of hundreds of people and everyone clap out loud.

I still recall one by one giving me a hug , at the back of the stage right after the show as a sign of appreciation and some even had tears rolling down their cheeks. At that point in time, i finally understood the satisfaction as a teacher and whether the audience love it or not , it doesn't matter anymore for seeing that spark of joy on their faces is all i need.

I'm Just Mr Ordinary

2009-11-11T04:55:00.000-08:00

9 days of freedom, sweet liberty obtained by clearing off my annual leaves. It is hilarious the way words and its meaning interpreted as it travels from one person to another. My buddies made a wicked joke about me ignoring them whenever there were girls around and one classic example that was often brought up each time we are slacking around at a mamak would be the time i was in Jonker with a group of girls ,enjoying the music , chit chatting in Geographer and i bumped into two of my friends.

My friends came over and i stood up, walked towards them and started doing the hand shake { the sort of hand shake that is done each time we bump into our friends at the club or at the mall} and i asked them if they would like to join us? or should i catch up with them later? and one of my friends responded that they would catch up with me for they wanted to walk around. However,after that incident, it became a different set of story. As the story goes, I was with a bunch of girls and upon bumping into my friends i pretended that i didn't know them, gave them a handshake for them to leave.

Well, i admit that i was hoping that they wouldn't stay at that point of time for they love to joke around without boundaries and those girls might not be able to accept their sense of humor. However, i didn't chase them away nor did i pretend that i've not seen them for a long time for i have just seen them like a couple of days ago.

It seemed pretty awkward to my friends for we hang out often and we have never practised the hand shakes among us and all of a sudden i'm shaking their hands . Haha, it was true that i was not behaving as i would normally behave around them. Yet, it doesn't mean that i was playing someone else. I have other friends too and with other friends whenever we meet, we'll do the handshake as a sign of respect each time we crosses each other , be it close friends or strangers.

My point is, its not a big deal. Its the way i show respect towards others . It is like saying hi or Yo!

Another incident that really humors me would be this friend of mine that kept questioning me about brotherhood and kept highlighting that it is important for me to introduce girls to my friends that are bachelors. It is some kind of code among brothers ..haha. I thought only Ray would keep asking me about the birds and the bees but it turns out that another friend of mine also seemed to have the impression that i have the answers to his questions.

I often replied by saying that i am no master player, nor am i a cassanova to begin with, i am just an ordinary guy with ambitious dreams. My friend couldn't accept the fact that an ordinary dude like myself could attract girls by doing nothing while a good looking dude like himself couldn't do it the same way{ he self proclaimed to be good looking}

My answer was just plain and simple. I do not have techniques to teach, i have no strategies that i pre-planned and i certainly do not have any hidden secrets. I am just being myself and the only difference between me and most of other guys around, is that whenever i am with a girl i do not see them as a sex product but i look at them as a lady.I didn't answer his question that day for i didn't know how?

How am i to explain to a dude that sees every girl he dates as an opportunity to have sex , that it isn't necessary to get into every girl's pants as a sign of conquest or as a proof that she's been dating me.I do not see this as a game therefore i have nothing to prove. It is natural for humans to have sex but in my point of view it has to be out of love and not just out of lust. Out of love simply means, upon having sex one is already prepared to take full responsibility towards another. This is me, this is how i have felt each time i made love.

Westerners Vs Asians

2009-10-25T08:46:00.000-07:00

Shoot , 6 hours more to work and i am still not able to get any sleep. It has been months since i last update this blog of mine. I believe i have been busy with moving to a new place, a new job with new friends and housemates that i barely had the time to blog.

I recall attending one of those inspiring motivational seminar by those spiritual speakers and one that will forever remain in my memory will be those lessons on life by Dr Aaron Lim. Dr Aaron once said that there are many western habits and western culture that if it is to be compared to Asian culture, our culture has got more diversity and it is not like western cultures are bad but it is just that in our culture we are more tied together as direct family members and distant relatives. In western culture, as a child touches the age of 18, they will be advised to leave the house and start to fend for themselves. Well, not all westerners practise such a culture, but most of them do.

In Asian culture, be it Indian, Chinese, Muslim or so on, we would like to stick close to our family members and if possible live under the same roof be it the same house, or the same village as long as we get to meet each other more often than usual. I have seen my friends who lived in a village that was basically surrounded by his relatives. Each and every house in that village are descendants of the same grandfather or ancestors.

My ancestors came from China long time ago and since he was wealthy at that point of time, he bought a really huge piece of land and divided it to 6 for each and every son to build a house and start a family. Hence, my grandparents and their siblings live side by side to each other.My point is, asians love clinging to each other and are more family oriented compared to the westerners.

It is a good sight to know that asians put their family as the top priority, not career, not backpacking but family comes first. However it doesn't mean that westerners are not loving towards their own family. Westerners are equally as loving as Asians would be to their own flesh and blood however it is shown in a different way.

Westerners leave home at a very young age in search of experience and learning to be independent. Asians , for young asians to leave our homes too long in search of experience and adventure, people will be judging us and relatives will be condemning us for not be fillial towards our parents.

Westerners treat gestures such as a warm hug or a friendly kiss to be a common practise among friends and families. Especially families. Yet, how often do we get to see an asian guy hugs his own father and say " Dad, i love you" ? a lot of us asian guys are too shy or too egoistical to embrace our own fathers and give him a kiss on the cheek. Why? because if any asian guy ever attempt to do that, his father would be furious and will absolutely ask him to behave himself.

It is the differences in mindset that creates a gap among cultures. It is not a sin to kiss our own fathers, but we feel strange and awkward if a son is to kiss his own father within asian culture. I mean long time ago as a kid i used to jump on my father's lap and follow him wherever he wants to go and not letting him out of my sight. However as i grow older, just like any other asian born gentleman,we speak less to our fathers and we're not as intimate as we used to be. It is not because my love for my father has grown lesser, but it is because as kids we know nothing about shame or pride but as adults , if i am to do the same things i used to do as a kid, it will be considered as disrespectful and disobedient.

In Asian culture, there is a saying that Daughters Are The Apples of a Father's Eye and sons are the Apples of a mother's eye. It literally means sons are closer to mothers and daughters are closer to fathers. Is this true scientifically? are our genetics naturally engineered to function in such a way? No it is not . I love my dad as much as i love my mom but from a guy to a guy point of view, by hugging my dad and giving him a smooch is to cross the line of authority .

By doing so , we would be labelled with all sorts of terminologies by those who are filled with traditional do's and dont's. Look at that sissy, his still so clingy to his daddy at such an age! Therefore , in our culture , such a gesture will be a definite No,no!

I am looking forward to live and see the day asian mindset will evolve and liberate ourselves from such kuno thinking and move forward . Today, among youngsters it shows that our mindset have evolved alright but we picked up the wrong contents from the western culture. We learn to be irresponsible and accepting life as a game.

Kay-L

2009-08-13T02:39:00.001-07:00

I do recall those days we used to argue a lot
Mostly about me unwilling to relocate to KL
Despite how persistent i was to stay back , i am here of what not
Yet , it is pointless now to ring the bell

I cherished the days we're together
Though now all of it seemed like a projector in rewind mode
There isn't any other girl that i treasure so dear
Though we're living in just an LRT station away, but i can only hope

I hope for the day you would speak to me again
I feel so weak as a man for i can only hope
Putting on many different disguises in hiding my pain
Though i am alive and well, your cold treatment seemed to be my death rope

All i want is to see you happy
All i ever long for is to be your friend
In this lifetime will i be able to be
Will you ever compromise and understand?

Books Are Just Input, Not Bible Of Life

2009-05-30T22:42:00.000-07:00

Its been quite sometime since i get to annoy Alvy to her face and yesterday was a blastful day of sweet sarcasm and reunion blended in one package. Its good to see her again and to know that she's been living well and happy within the union of Asian maids in Melbourne.

Aww Alvy, three rooms and two toilets isn't tough . You need to work hard to get that promotion and be a certified Philipino maid then you will be worldly recognised. At least your employer didn't burn your smooth and delicate skin with incense or cane you till you faint. As a matter of fact he married you and gave you a comfortable life eventhough you prepare weird dishes for daily consumption .

At this point of my blogging, i have this strong feeling that Alvina cannot wait to meet me again to cubit and strangle me with all her might until i admit defeat haha. Anyhow, thanks for your treat yesterday, the drink was sweet just like the person who bought it for me. As to your question " When do i intend to end my bachelorhood and settle down? " and i replied to you it is up to my lady {if i have one at the moment} lol

I believe in marriage we need to have the substance of respect, tolerance and trust and most importantly the ability to read each other at times, to reach into each other's soul. Telepathy can be found in friendship, in a married couple and among close relatives. However, for married couples, telepathy takes a reasonable amount of time to develop as the marriage goes on. It is not an instant thing and for that the bride or the groom cannot expect one or another to be able to read each other's thoughts and expectations as soon as the matrimony is sealed.

Marriage symbolises trust. It is because i trust the lady that i am handling the rest of my life to her and she feels the same too. A happy couple are often those who are able to deliver love from both sides. It is not that the guy is giving his best and the girl sits down and enjoy or otherwise. Both sides need to take care of each other's needs and emotions and by being able to do so, the element of respect is developed.

Ego shouldn't be a parting factor . Do not succumb to ideas such as the guy wears the pants in the family or lady has all the rights to be pampered. It is true that if a guy loves his lady he will pamper her but a lady should regard this as an act of love shown by her spouse not a privilege or something that he must do as a husband. A guy also should not restrict his wife to staying behind the walls of a home or else it wouldn't be a home instead its just another house or a prison cell. Marriage should be a beginning of a new freedom, a new chapter not the end .

Marriage should not be the cause that lead to stale relationships or boredom in reproducing the hormones of romance. By any chance if either party feels this way, then there should be a face to face session of sitting down and talk. It is best not to involve a third party and if there is a need for a third listener, that third person has to be at all ears and not providing constructive critism or comments that could break a happy marriage just because it is shaken . Marriages can get shaky after a period of time and some lasted, some don't.Third party sould be neutral and not one sided for if that is the case , it will not help to find a solution but speed up the process of separation.

In marriage and dating both alike, one must always be able to accept another unconditionally knowing for a fact that in future , it may get boring, it may feel like a routine instead of fiery passionate romance , life may seem like a robot . However, no matter how dull can it get, never allow oneself to have a second thought about the marriage. Once the lady or the guy have second thoughts about the marriage , for example "Did i make the right decision in marrying him?" or "Maybe i should have married the other guy" or " Maybe we shouldn't have tied the knot" ....such thoughts will bring us to other negative thoughts and soon negative thoughts about the marriage will pile up one by one like a failed game of Tetris and soon its just nothing else but Game Over.

Being married does not represent the end of dating. For some couples i have known,upon signing the agreement that binds two together, it means the relationship is already safe so there is no need to go out for dates as often or no need to be as mushy mushy as before for their love has gone one stage up. It is this kind of thinking that turns romantic feelings into responsibility. One must not love his spouse because his married to her but love her because she's the only one that completes him and without her life is incomplete. Take note, beng married doesn't mean the girl or guy must stay with each other forever. Forever only exist if one continues to believe that romance can still happen instead of harboring doubts and losing trust.

Why must a loving couple stopped being mushy mushy? and stopped being so close and clingy
to each other after a few years of marriage?Take my grandparents for example. At the age of 50 onwards they have been sleeping in separate beds eventhough it is in the same room. As a child i have been questioning this weird form of practise but according to the old folks it is their tradition and it is rude to question further.

It has also come to my knowledge that some couples still practise the lovey dovey part of their relationship after marriage but in a more formal kind of way. It means, it is different from the time they dated as young couples. Now that they have tied the knot, they have to behave more maturely and cannot kiss in the open or hold hands to cross the street?? isn;t this scenario very common? before marriage hold the girl tightly..don;'t want to let go even if palm gets all sweaty but after marriage of a few years, the guy walks far in the front and the lady is slowly chasing him. There were worse scenario or case studies of young guys walking fast ahead and their girlfriends are chasing after them like some poodle. Imagine before marriage already behaving in such a manner, after marriage?

My friend a bookworm whose into readings of body languages and facial expressions or better known as micro expressions had tea with me last night. This friend of mine can be classified as intelligent or an extremist. At times he accepts the content from books too seriously and turned them into his way of life or his philosophy in living life. My friend wanted to pass a book about facial expressions to another friend and he gave a brief explanation to us about its content.

According to my friend, the author of his book, teaches people, mostly laymen on how to capture people who are lying in action. It is best used to identify each time your girlfriend or wife cheats on you. Hence, i adviced him that this should not be the way of practising facial reading. Imagine each time your girlfriend or wife chit chats with the male florist or hunky gym instructor or friend and you see her facial expression shows interest and that she's being flirty and it leads to you having doubts and begin questioning her loyalty to you?

I mean we are human beings. As a guy, even if i have a girlfriend, if i happen to meet another beautiful girl, it is common and normal for me to take a second glance or engage into a conversation. It is the same for a lady. By any chance if a lady meet a handsome, hunky friend and had a good time talking to him and subconciously may have shown some flirtatious signs on her face, this is normal reaction for we are not perfect but we try our best to be good people and these shouldn't be used as topics to quarrel about.

My friend said don't have to quarrel just to know and to ask her accordingly. Well, once there are such questions of doubts it will lead to interrogation and upon interrogation it will lead to an arguement and then separation or cooling off period then separation.

We are just common human beings and we can control our feelings but not our reflexes. We cannot control ourselves from getting excited upon looking at beautiful creations or beautiful people. No matter how we control it, it will be shown through reflex. We as men cannot judge our women based on these qualities. We are not those desert tribes that forces our beloved ones to cover up their faces and not to speak to any other guy or else be banished or severely punished. No, we are not such barbarians .

We as men should not promise to love our ladies and then doubt them based on the way they look as they talk to other men.This is ridiculous and unfair.

My Life's Tune

2009-05-27T07:12:00.000-07:00

If you can't be the highway than be the trail. If you can't be the starry sky than just be a star,it is life's greatest philosophy, my life's philosophy . I have never enjoyed fighting over a rice bowl with the others. I have never favor direct competition for i believe in living live feeling contented, fulfilled.

It is pointless to try being the best while in the process friendship collapsed, family members are long gone, those who mean a great deal to me vanishes with history . Where is the glory in achieving millions of dollars and mansion by mansion but upon turning back one fine day, only to realise i'm all alone , walking this path of success.

Competition is inevitable for self improvement but to condemn and beat others to feel better isn't my idea of living meaningfully. It is good to have competition in everything we're engaged to such as dancing, sports, martial arts, work or even poetry . However, if the process of competing may cause grievances to others , then it defeats the idea of a healthy competition.

Once in my life, friends of mine were selected for a dance competition and this cute but silly friend of mine came forward and throw the news to me that my teacher wanted it to be a secret but he felt bad for keeping it to himself for he felt at that time i was a better dancer than himself. I replied to him while smiling that there was nothing to be ashamed or guilty about being selected for a competition. I said " My friend, you've been practising dilligently, if i'm a dance instructor i would have picked you too"

A week later, our teacher contacted me and informed me that i was selected as well. It seemed that at that time he couldn't find me a partner so it took him sometime to decide and choosed another classmate of ours to pair up and compete. At that time i declined the invitation immediately without a second thought eventhough it was an honor to be selected by our teacher, the legendary dancer.

I guess many would have thought or pressumed that i was offended for not being selected earlier that i refused to compete eventhough our teacher personally invited me. However, many do not understand me well enough to see my true intentions. At that point of time, i was very happy for my friend was acknowledged and in the same time was glad that i wasn't given the green light for i was not prepared to face the arena.

If i could turn back time, i would still do the same for i believe i'm not ready yet but my friend was ready. Another hidden reason was that if i ever compete against my friend it places me in a dilemma. By any chance if i triumph over him, it might hurt his feelings though he seemed all cool and all but i know his a really sensitive soul inside. Yet, if he bags the trophy instead of me he will be in a state of guilt too , knowing he was already feeling guilty for keeping the news from me at first.

In both situations, i may upset my friend, so instead of competing i choosed not to participate if winning or losing would still cause such negative implications to him. Anyhow, i was not ready , so it was the right thing to do.It is similar once upon a time ago, my friend and me fell for the same girl but i backed out and assisted him with the process of courtship instead. It sounded really dumb....but i guess i hate to hurt feelings..

16 Ways Of Indirect Rejections Faced By Telesales Exec

2009-05-18T03:58:00.000-07:00

1. I'd love to purchase your plan but my boss is out of town, location unknown, date of returning unforeseen, perhaps u should keep calling till he comes back

2. Your plan sounds interesting but i have already signed a 2 year contract with Digi, i don't want to get lawsuits.

3.Hi, you're looking for? what is it about? call saving plans? oh ....bummm!! slams phone

4. Oh you're looking for MR X?? his in a meeting kindly call back. Calls back after an hour "Mr X? his no longer with us, resigned last year"

5. My usage is low, i don't need a call saving plan

6. My staff communicate via msn and emails, seldom use the phone line.

7. My phone line is only for fax

8. Ini rumah India punya, bukan company

9. I am interested in your plan but i am too busy to take a look at your proposal, give me a month

10. Your plan gives low rates? can it fight maxis? 10 cents a min if it dials to 012 and foc if it dials to another 001

11. Why do you keep calling? told ya we will call you back IF WE ARE INTERESTED.

12.You guys are all the same , saying this cheap and that cheap in the end we're paying more than we use

13. Boy, listen to me your plans are just creations, creations of our creator. Who is our creator? yeah JC is da man!

14. Nombor yang anda dial tidak ada dalam perkhidmatan

15. We are very happy with redtone eventhough its more expensive, we trust their svc

16. I don't use phone or handphone

Upon my survey i have concluded faggots and a guy who has been rejected by a girl a million times in his lifetime makes top telesales executives

When Will We Have Free Treatments?

2009-04-28T13:20:00.000-07:00

I am just done previewing an episode of Sicko on Astro Cinemax. It is a documentary like drama series which portrays on the weirdest subjects and cultures around the world. Today, the episode was about the Great Britain and their NHS or better known as National Hospital Services.

An American host was assigned for this tour which is pretty obvious since it is another American Reality Drama. Drugs are sold at government pharmacy for only 6.25 which is about 10 American Dollars. One can purchase 20 pills or 120 pills it is still 6.25 and for those below 18 or above 60, drugs are given away for free. No wonder Amsterdam has got their very own weed cake.

Government Hospital provides free accomodations to patients , free treatments and free surgery.At one corner of the Hospital there is a counter that says "Cashier" but instead of paying the cashier, the cashier gives money to those under privillege or the poor who has not enough cash to get a ride home.

Doctors served whole heartedly eventhough they are receiving pay from the government for the British government pays well. A doctor was shown to own a house which is worth 550 thousand pounds and an Audi in London. The people do not pay a single cent for it is a part of their health benefits but they have to pay really high taxes which is quite reasonable if they are receiving so many social aids.

Back here, eventhough we're not paying as much taxes, but we have various taxes that we have been paying which some of them make sense and some of them seemed like robbery in broad daylight. Money goes out but progress and development seemed very slow.I guess as much, the pockets of our ministers gets filled up faster than our development will ever be.

Micro Expression Is Merely An Expression

2009-04-28T13:15:00.000-07:00

It has been quite sometime since i last blog in this data base known to the world as my network of friends. I have been rather preoccupied with Facebook and my blog sites in blogspots.

I guess there isn’t any significant difference between my Facebook and Friendster apart from the fact that in Friendster i have quite a large social circles of online buddies which i know and do not know outside the network. In Facebook, i am more cautious in adding friends therefore a large number of my friends in Facebook are people whom i actually know and aquainted to in real life .

Friends , be it in reality or virtual reality as long as they come with empty hands while offering a sincere friendship i shall always accept them as friends. I have friends whom i met on Friendster and we become such good friends even till this very day upon meeting up and having tea together.

However, being human we’re binded to this feeling of curiosity. Remember the saying ”As Curious As A Cat?” . I believe given a comparison we as humans are way more curious than any cats that i know.

There are nice friends that meant well but at times their concern can be rather annoying. For instance, at times i sit with my group of friends over tea in some mamak joint , and i turned quiet all of a sudden while my mind seemed to have flown someplace else and upon reading my facial expression or micro expression , my friends assumed that i am feeling sad about something and no matter how i have tried denying it, they’re still looking for a story out of me.

How can i give them a sad story if i am not feeling sad? Some friends claimed to be able to read my body languages which seemed rather absurd for body language is only 45% accurate and as far as i have experienced it, my friends or one exceptional friend of mine who has been reading a lot of journals on body language have read mine all wrong.

We as humans tend to pressume based on our own analysis and strongly believe our findings to be accurate eventhough it is not for we have an ego that wishes to be right . In looking at a person’s micro expression we can determine whether he or she is lying and the result is 100% true? I don’t think so for even lie detectors can be fooled .

I agree that micro expressions are clear signals , the way our body or face reflex according to the way we feel be it nervous, panic, happy or sad. Such as the way our lips will look or the way our eyebrows move and so on if we’re lying which is way more accurate than body language but it isn’t entirely accurate.

A friend of mine claimed that this sort of reading is very accurate and there is no escape from its results. According to this friend, guys are afraid to learn about such signs because upon reading signs on our girlfriends there might be some hidden facts about them that we would rather not know about.

Yet, i believe such an idea is just plain over confidence. Not everyone in this world is an open book. As for myself, many have claimed to know me through my actions and my expressions but till this very day they still don’t. Micro expression regardless of how accurate the analysis can be is still just an expression and expressions are like mood swings, tend to change from time to time.

Facts Can Turn To Rumors

2009-04-27T01:17:00.000-07:00

Yesterday at 3am, a friend of ours who was drunk called for our companionship not knowing that his actual plan was for us to tank for him by any chance if there is a fight in a pub belonged to his friend.

Here's the story - Version One , this dude walked into a pub with his date and he laid eyes on another guy's girlfriend whom he had made love to previously and now all hell was going to break loose for he wanted to fight for that girl. Abba story!

Version Two - Dude walked into the pub with his date and laid eyes on another friend's girlfriend but decided to stick to his own date and gave a toast that friendship is above all. Yet, there were other interpretations by my other friends according to their own understanding of the scenario pictured by this friend of ours.

We have actually experimented on this subject matter before in college. We have tried spreading a rumor and we watched as the rumor turned hotter and hotter as the story changes hands. We watched the flame of rumors spread and how twisted the stories turned out to be from a simple plot to a blockbuster!

Once we have tried informing our busybody cashier staff that i have fought with one of our lecturers over a girl and i gave a blow to his eyes , so strong that he had bandages around his eyes and the story went on from one person to another from Nick fought with his lecturer over a girl to Nick stole lecturer's girlfriend and then proceed to Nick cheated lecturer's girlfriend and the epic continues to get more horrifying...It is funny the way one simple story can turn into such a mess upon being spread.

I guess sometimes it is best to keep some stuff to myself in avoiding a disaster.I guess it is human nature to crave for gossips and exciting news so interpreting stories for it to be more spicy and exciting is common among individuals.I , myself may have heard of something and interpreted it as something else so might as well just avoid sticking in my nose and stay low to stay happy. At times people do not intent to gossip or create rumors but having interpreted a story wrongly it becomes a deadly rumor. It is best to clarify with the person involve before coming up with a story which is untrue and unfair for that person.

Lagu Sesat

2009-04-21T00:24:00.000-07:00

Did i make the right choice?
Did i take the right turn?
In wide search of my happiness
All that money can buy

Am i living a lie?
Big, white corporate lie
And live to regret it
Till the day that i die

-Running and running in circles i go
Looking for an exit out
Limited knowledge makes me feel so low
Living moments of a doubt

Don't need your sympathy nor applause from the crowd
Don't think you understand me though i'm crying... out loud{screams, high octave}

I'm still dreaming this minute
From eversince i was born
Have been living in a coma
Coz reality's all torn

Web of deception
No one is true
Turning against each other
Its either me or you

-Pushing and pushing me to do things that i wouldn't do
Time is always running forcing me to take a chance
Playing a hipocrite to myself

Looking in the mirror, "Do i know you"
Seemed pretty close but where have we met?
Not long time ago i was a part of you
Not until i've drowned myself

Am i living a lie?
Till the day that i die.......close up!

My Very Own Musical

2009-04-18T14:38:00.000-07:00

I have always been interested in producing plays . I recall during my camping days i was required to direct a play and in order to ensure the play goes well, i did not sleep for two days writing and re-writing the scripts for my actors and actresses. I had to prepare the scripts, coordinate with the narrators and offer assistance to my team members with their rehearsels.

It was just a small play but at that moment it was an extraordinarily huge opportunity for us to prove to our camp members as well as our parents in the audience that we may not be as spectacular as Broadway, but we can produce a good show. Our activities were divided into three groups which were the dancing team, the sketch and the musicians and we needed to coordinate with each other .

It was a lot of work but we managed to pull a good show which remained as my fondest memory. In my opinion , team work is essential for if it wasn't for my friends ,the sketch wouldn't have been a major success.Guys, thank you so much for supporting me all the way.

In college, myself and Babu were assigned to plan and coordinate a sketch as well as other performances such as dances and so on for our annual night and according to the feedbacks received from our lecturers as well as audiences from a college of art studies , we did an excellent job . I would like to grab this opportunity to thank my team mates such as the carefree angels, the hot dance girls Cherrie and Annie as well as members of our play Ed, Hairi, Andrew,San-G and the rest. Out of being nervous, i did a few mistakes throughout the play but we managed to attain applauses in honoring our performances.

Andrew did a wonderful job in playing King Wakawaka and saved the play .Our tribal dance routine was deeply influenced by this dvd on a Japanese Samurai movie Zaitoshi. Ed was the victim being boiled in the pot and we were the native dancing around the pot with our poles and i guess i was so into my role at that time that i hit the pot and almost crashed into Ed ! Thank God the audience thought it was a part of the play.

During the fight scene , i was to die and slowly crept down from the stage as the light goes off . Lights went off and i got up unaware it was a lighting error and i was shocked to noticed that everyone else was still lying dead. Bu playing the warrior had to kill me twice lol but it was overall a good play.

Music, scene arrangements and narrations were in perfect order. I had to come up with the story line as well as play a role in our sketch and it was very exchausting for we were practising day after day. Student council ran out of budget and we need to fork out our own cash for the remaining expenses. In the same time, we had to visit one firm to another in gathering sponsors. We had to plead, begged, persuade and bribe. As students of the law faculty we had to come up with a play and as organisers of the performances, we had to persuade students from Accounting to perform and they did Chinese dance as well as hip hop which was fantastic.

It was a lot of work and days of sleepless nights but we pulled it through. Our hero had to borrow Aikido uniform from a fellow collegemate in order to save cost and we had our weapons and costumes invented out of banana leaves and card boards. Lucky for us, Chin Guan got us wooden poles for our tribal act.

We were stomping the yard with wooden poles and chinese opera mask as well as banana leaves skirtings. Upon receiving feedbacks that our performance was awesome to the extent that an Art College intended to employ us for a performance, we were deeply flattered. Despite the minor conflicts and disagreements, we did a hell of a great job.

We had such short notice and we had to perform in front of lawyers, lecturers, parents as well as other professional bodies. It was a lot of pressure but we really had a lot of fun.My third attempt at directing a performance was during my days in Sudong.

My Head Of Department specifically instructed me to choreograph a dance performance upon knowing i have some basic in dancing. As reluctant as i was, i had to invent a dance routine and trained a group of workmates that had no basic in dancing at all into dancers in 3 weeks . It was 3 weeks of neverending drill and one of them pulled out and i had to fill in for him as a dancer.

I guess the moment my team mates came hugging me and thanking me in appreciation for all my effort satisfies me more than the prize or anything else.Winning the best performance doesn't feel as good as witnessing the proud facial expressions on the faces of my team mates. I do look forward into getting involve in more plays and script writing if i am ever granted the opportunity.

Which Is Better??

2009-04-16T00:20:00.000-07:00

As i thought i have lost the job offer upon rejecting it , the highly considerate company re-offer the job to me. At this very moment i'm stucked between accepting the offer or awaiting the result of my previous interview with a Japanese tourism firm which pays a lot more.

The telesales job's basic salary isn't promising but in the sales industry , the real income is generated through commissions upon meeting sales target or quotas. In the end of the day, it is up to me as to whether i long for a competitive working atmosphere whereby chasing after quotas and beating down other colleagues become my daily routine or to work in a much more relax atmosphere and getting paid triple times as much.

The sales job may sound tough but at least i am able to be transferred back to my hometown after my probationary period which is more cost saving compared to taking up the other job with a higher salary but i am required to relocate to K.L and the cost of living is extremely extravagant.

Some say living in K.L is an opportunity to learn more skills , to be more independent and to broaden social circles but some adviced me to remain back here for life in KL is just too complex and it is almost impossible for a non KL resident to save money by the end of the month eventhough one's pay may be as lucrative as four thousand. A friend of mine stayed in KL for 4 years and according to his experiences, if one earn less than 5 grand a month it is not advicable and absolutely not practical to live in KL for that person will be spending every single cent left on transportation, rental, daily expenses, laundry and all sorts of other bills.

I love outing and going around in search of good food , fine dining and dancing spots. Unlike some of my friends, i cannot imagine myself to face the computer day and night for days without any sleep catering to Warcraft, Dota or those online games. I do play these games but not very often . I cannot bring myself to play video games or computer games for hours and not feeling bored.

My friends, some of them can live without sleeping,eating, companionship or without sports or any other hobbies as long as there are games to play online. I am not as addicted and will never be as chronic.In my eyes, games are just games no matter how good one can get at it,in the end of the day there are so many beautiful things around us that we fail to take notice because we're so preoccupied with the same routine.

A friend of mine recommended to me that the only way to survive in kl is to quit partying or visiting drinking joints and indulge in computer games instead of outing or any other hobbies that requires one to step out for stepping out from the house refers to spending more.Waking up in the mornings, get to work, come back from work, attend to daily household chores and play pc games to sleep. It feels like enslaving myself into becoming a robot.

Kl, is it that tough to survive?I have watched this movie and i enjoyed a scene that has a really good message. It said " People that were hurt by falling in and out of love are those who have really been in love" I guess in relationships, career and lifestyle alike, i have to go through the rough seas and stormy weather to be able to shout out that i have genuinely lived my life.

I'm An Addict!!

2009-04-06T19:15:00.000-07:00

There are many kinds of faces in this world. There are some that are addicted to gambling{kaki judi} there are some that are addicted to drinking{kaki botol} there are also some that are addicted to soliciting and womanizing {kaki pompuan} and some of my friends are computer games addicts that can go on gaming for days without sleeping.

Among numerous addictions ever existed, i am a self confessed blog addict. Life goes on without alcohol or sex , drugs and rock roll for me but not blogging. I have to pour out my inner views about this world and the daily happenings through this pair of eyes i call my own.

No worries to my future spouse for this addiction of mine doesn't run in my bloodline. It is not genetic nor was it the upbringing. I simply enjoy writing and i have to write whenever there are thoughts and inspirations crossing over my mind. I have to blog even while i am fast asleep and ideas come out calling out for me . I have experienced not sleeping the entire night or waking up at 4am from a cozy bedtime just to blog.

I cannot imagine or dare not picture a world without access to blogging or the liberty to express ideas through writings. Imagine if our government ban the internet , i would probably lead all the bloggers around to form a guerilla pact against the government . A Che Guavera among bloggers .

Ideas that come to me cannot be delayed nor can it wait just like ideas about paintings to Picasso and inspirations of inventions to Da Vinci. I cannot live forever but i can live within my writings. In my writings, i am immortalised, i shall live forever.

Dancing Without Ray Is Just Missing Out On Something

2009-04-05T12:41:00.000-07:00

My mom's my role model in dance affairs. I have always known latin and ballroom dancing to be a past time for the old and retired folks or soft guys. One fine day, i placed down my ego and accompanied my mom to one of her lessons and i immediately understood the reason she is so passionate about dancing. There were some of my friends who were in the opinion that i am very gifted in dancing but every accomplishment i have shared, i owe it to my mom and my wonderful mentors including those other experienced uncles and aunties that were not stingy with tips and guidance.

Eversince being aquainted to the art of dancing i kept re-visiting her classes and soon developed interest in the multi variation past time. I started dancing as my mom's partner and months later though she had made friends and found herself other dance partners i stayed on to dancing for it was not just about accompanying my mom anymore, i have fallen in love with the art.

My first mentor was Mr Augustus. I was impressed by his agility and strength in leading the lady on the dance floor despite being 80 years of age and hunching all the way. Dancing just isn't as simple as it seem. A proper technique and amount of strength need to be applied to avoid injuring our partners. Male dancers need to get our grip and hand techniques accurate according to the music's tempo and partner's progress. Leading isn't easy but once a guy is able to lead his lady partner on the dance floor, a lot of mesmerizing effects will be portrayed.

Upon getting a hang of rock and roll from Augustus i begin training under Mr Philip,a former local dance champion and hence being exposed to latin variation. Eversince that day, i know there is no turning back, dancing transformed me. I trained under Philip for 6 months or so and managed to persuade my friend Ray in joining this beautiful art. We enrolled ourselves in a more concentrated latin basic under Mr Anthony a reknown dancer locally and internationally.

I find that this friend of mine is rather hardworking and he is the type that once he put his head unto something, he will give his very best and true enough he bag a trophy in an amateur close and created a name in the Malaysian Dancing Book Of Records. It started off by Ray being a newbie and i spent a lot of time practising with him and he improved a lot and started motivating me in return. We motivated each other to improvise our techniques from time to time.

There were times he got lazy and i forced him to practise and he did the same for me as well.I was amazed by his determination to attain perfection for every step and every movement and somehow his kiasu attitude inspired me to be as result oriented as he was for before that i was just dancing for social entertainment.

I recall Ray gave me his word that in 3 months he will be as good as our mentor the great Mr Anthony. Yet, i rebutted his over rated confidence by disagreeing with him that it is not possible to reach such standards in 3 months. However, come to think of it again, it was a crazy idea but his determination to succeed impressed me and i just tagged along with his ideas. Well, as i have expected, we cannot reach such standards in 3 months but i have gain improvement owing it to him for constantly inspiring me to perfection.

It is a waste that he stopped dancing and somehow affected my mood to continue with the classes as well. I guess apart from his attitude of continously questioning our mentor every 15 minutes and his effortless attempt to read my body language which i used to find annoying, he was a great classmate and a good motivation.

I have tried advising him back to the dance floor but due to some personal reasons which he refused to rectify, he had lost the passion to proceed.Dancing is just isn't the same without this friend of mine . My mom and her group of friends used to ensure i practise with them every week to avoid losing touch with my techniques but eversince we follow different mentors, i have not receive news from them for a long time. My mom and her gang of dance fanatics followed Helen Fam , mother and mentor to Leon, a wonderful dancer whom had passed away in a tragic road accident few years ago.

Cheng Meng -Not Just A Tradition Or Legalise Open Air Burning

2009-04-05T12:38:00.000-07:00

I recall 20 years ago, the period in time whereby we were still kiddos, dad used to forced us out of our beds and made sure we get dressed in time with gears to hike up the hills of Jelutong cemetery and pay respects to our ancestors. At that point of time, i never took these visits seriously because they were just like any other hundreds of rituals we as the chinese keep within our heritage.

As i grow older, i begin to understand the importance of paying respects to our ancestors every year on the same month and the same day. Chinese traditions contain a lot of superstitions such as food offerings for our ancestors after the incense burned off or after flipping coins. This is to determine whether our ancestors have eaten or not? if they have consumed the offerings spiritually in the spiritual realm, the "hard copies" of these food will be distributed among relatives to feast on them.

Another famous superstition is to burn paper dolls, cars, houses and arranging coloured papers on the tombs. These rituals were performed in ensuring our ancestors receive mansions, latest car editions and have nippon paint for their houses in the heavenly realms. I mean, get real judging by the numbers of houses and cars we have burned for them for the past 20 or 30 years , heaven must be filled with heavy traffic and packed with skycrapers and buildings!

Nowdays, they even have Astro satelite disc for the dead! businessmen making money out of fillial piety attitude of others.I personally do not believe in such superstitions. I believe if we are to treasure our older generation, we should pamper them with worldly comfort during their lifetime, not after they have passed on.Yet, i shall continue the tradition of visiting the graves of my ancestors and my older generations for i believe in paying respects and taking care of them even after they are no longer around.

I do not believe that burning incense will transmit our messages to the underworld, but i still burn them to continue this tradition, this is my way, the chinese way to remember that without the older generation, we wouldn't be here. I strongly support this idea of visiting the cemetery every year for such an activity keeps family members united and create a self awareness within us. Paying respects to tombs is a way to remind us that we as the next generation bears the family's name and therefore we should always do good and avoid criminal activities for we aren't just living for ourselves but we are continuing our family's saga.

I woke up at 6 today and went with my dad to pay our respects. My dad's a row model when it comes to fillial piety. My dad always make sure that we do not forget our roots and always continue respecting the elders.My sisters, just like a lot of youngsters nowdays,no longer motivated to attend such rituals .My grand uncle said to me " Boy, you need to continue our tradition, never forget your elders" " A lot of those from the younger generation do not have the time for such an activity" he said. I totally agreed with him.

The youth nowdays have a thousand and one excuses for not attending to this ritual, be it the weather, workload or simply taboo. My grand aunty was even funnier for she said " Even if you believe in Jesus, you must not forget our ancestry" and i just smiled. A lot of the older folks are worried that upon their departure,we as the younger generation will not continue this tradition, they will rot within their coffins and we would just be too busy to care.

I do not believe that those from the after world can receive our offerings but i will still pay my respects every year to show appreciation and in honoring my ancestors and my memories of them. As a kid i was often teased by my relatives to be an ABC { american born chinese} eventhough i do not hold an american green card . It was merely because me and my sisters cannot speak a word of chinese at that time . Therefore, my grand aunties and grand uncles were worried that even if i keep up with the tradition i may not be able to identify which grave belonged to our family for all of them are in chinese characters so i joked with them and said " No worries, i shall have the tombstones engraved in english alphabets" . Oh boy, i must start learning to read chinese!

The Day I Declare War Over Rapist & Domestic Violence

2009-04-01T23:25:00.000-07:00

"They were asking for it" are common reasonings given by a rapist after a girl is brutally raped. There are also other reasons such as the rapist was drunk, not in the right state of mind, intoxicated but i believe all of these are lame excuses. Hey, if a person was drunk it is not a royal assent to rape in the eyes of the law .

Once, i questioned a police officer on the increasing rape cases in our country and he made a remark - "Usually bad girls got raped, the good ones were just unlucky". Define a bad girl?? no being in this world is so bad till the extent that they have to end up being rape victims as a form of punishment.

Is there any law that state girls who dresses sexily provoke guys to have lust and therefore raping them is deem legal? Is there such a law? No there isn't but a friend of mine sourced to me informations from a conference he attended and a professor from that conference actually had the nerve to argue and state his point that any girls who dresses low cut and showing off their cleavage by any chance if they were raped, they were just asking for it. Asking for it??

These are the words of an educated PHD holder not some guy from a farm but i believe the guy from the farm has better reasoning compared to this idiot who claimed himself to be a professor.

No women upon creation deserved to be beaten,raped, tortured or deceived. Women are not the slaves of men and they are certainly not machine of mass reproduction. Women and men are equal in the eyes of the law and not to forget the symbol of justice seen in the front yard of every courthouses is a statue of a greek goddess with one hand holding the scale and the other holding a sword while being blindfolded as a symbol of fairness.

The days of Genghis Khan is long gone. Stop treating women as if they are properties which we can trade for cows or food. Laws should be stricten and go hard on those who rape and beat up their girlfriends, wives and daughters.

By any chance if i am given the authority to amend laws, i shall have those who beat up their wives being tied up and being beaten up the same way they have been doing to their women all these years. I have known of girls who have been beaten up badly by their boyfriends but still continue dating him for the fear of losing him, the fear of being alone . Girls, if your handsome , rich and macho boyfriend begin to slap, punch, pull your hair and strangle you to release stress and then apologise, trust me girl his not Mr Right. You can take my word for it.

Some of my friends are of the opinion that girls go crazy over guys who like to dominate and beat them up or better known as the Alpha Males . So tell me , do you girls enjoy being beaten up and controlled by guys or would you prefer your guy to pamper you and provide you protection and equal rights? I used to know a friend who uses violence on his girlfriend whenever they argue and then regretted his actions and have his guilt confessed to me as if i am some catholic priest in a box. I recall his words were " I love her but she just don't seem to get it" "I do not intend for this but sometimes she goes too far" and answer me this how far can a lady go for a man to lose himself and starts hitting her?

Once , i poured my heart out to this girl and found out she wasn't serious and she was deceiving me all the way and i was in rage and disappointment that i lost myself and punched the walls till my knuckles bleed. It is very rare for me to lose temper for i am not an ill tempred kind of guy but even when i did lost my temper, i have never battered any girl and will never apply violence on any woman . I have so much of respect for women and i believe all guys should have the same amount of respect.

Rapist should just be given a life sentence . There is no forgiveness for such a crime of brutality. However, it is hard to tell nowdays. There were girls who cried wolf just to get back on their guy for dumping them or arguing with them. This is the reason the sentencing for rape isn't heavy enough because we cannot determine these rapist are for real or being dragged down to eat the blame.

Uncertainty - The Hardest To Cure

2009-04-01T20:44:00.000-07:00

Day by day my pc hears me sigh
Just like an old granny who worries unnecessarily
My dearest hometown, it is so hard to bid goodbye
In welcoming a new world, facing all kinds of probability

O metropolitan whom i have never really known
Though a thousand times i have set foot
Surrendering to changes,a place not of my own
Pondering , have i taken the right route?

Hour by hour my nose is strucked with allergy
Popping down medicine, feeling real high
Troubled seas or sunny sunshine lying ahead i can't foresee
Re-writing the chapters of my life as i sigh

If I Have A Million Bucks In My Pocket

2009-03-31T19:05:00.000-07:00

If i have a million bucks
I will book myself a flight ticket to Japan
Though communication will be like chickens and ducks
It is the art of Katana making i wish to apprehend

If i have such a large amount to spend
I shall save most of it for future investments
Yet, first of all i need to visit Japan
Knowing that i have not much time to burn

I grew up to movies of American Ninja
Though i know those are just actors
Yet the way Japan is in the eyes of Pat Morita
I need to prove if Japan has that much of splendors?

Some may ask " Why must it be a million?"
For with that amount, i don't have to worry about earning
At least not for a short duration
There's so much to see and learn among swordplays and sushi making

Bruce Almighty

2009-03-31T18:36:00.000-07:00

The great Bruce Lee has been known to be the legendary father of kungfu in America. Up till this very day, in America if one is to discuss about chinese kungfu, it will be associated to Lee. Bruce Lee didn't invent kungfu and as a matter of fact there are a lot of far more greater kungfu masters in the States but everyone seemed to have an impression on Bruce for his courage and his trademark scream which sounded like cats making out each time he does that.

Why is he such a phenomena? Even in India, indians invented dances in his commemoration. The late Bruce is a great martial artist to Americans and to the rest of the people around the world. Yet, he is more than just a celebrity to people of Hongkong. In Hongkong, Bruce is idolise like a God and they even have a statue of him standing facing the sea as if his the Statue of Liberty for the hongkies. Indeed he is a liberalist. Upon being told that he cannot do it , he went on doing it until he succeeded. Bruce brought freedom to the Asians by proving to the westerners that they do not dominate everything else in this world. Nothing beats the asians when it comes to martial arts and emotional screams.

During those days of hardship, hollywood never laid eyes on Asian actors and actresses unless they need spare crews . Gifted actors and stuntmen from Hongkong had to sell their bodies and dignity and have themselves casted in pornography to earn recognition before being able to be a movie star. Bruce refused to surrender to industrial slavery and bias contracts from his agent Run Run Shaw,thus he fled to the States and despite being condemned and mocked for being an Asian who was trying to hit the jackpot in Hollywood, he struggled on and bring fame to chinese kungfu.

Bruce combined cha cha to wing chun , karate katas and some other arts and eventually formed his own known to the world today as Jeet Kuen Do. I may never be as legendary as Bruce. However i am a big fan of martial arts and i hope to combine chinese kungfu, aikido, karate and cha cha someday and see how does it turn out?? Bruce invented the way of the intercepting fist and i hope to invent the fistless fist someday. Bless me o Bruce Almighty , haha!

Short Circuit 2

2009-03-31T16:10:00.000-07:00

Believe it or not? a movie on artificial intelligence had me stayed up all night and this has never happened eversince i was like thirteen?? I am never a big fan of sci-fi movies or novels . I am more towards stories about a distant land, dungeons, swoosh buckling, two samurais in a duel over a lady's honor or sorcery. My friends kept pestering me to join them for movies but upon proposing High School Musical , they have stopped pestering eversince .I mean come on it is way more exciting than Doraemon right?

I am a huge fan of basically everything. Comedy, horror, love stories, cartoons and musicals but i just can't bear those extreme thinking movies such as the recent "International" or this korean movie that went from the future and out of the sudden flicks of scenes from the past , then another vivid chapter of the present and its the future again. The arrangements were all jumpy and chaotic. Eventhough i have an idea on the storyline i barely enjoy the process of watching this movie. I told my friends strictly that we have to watch Race To Witch Mountain but they dragged me to the International and in the end we all regretted paying for the tickets.

O yeah call me a wuss but i enjoy cartoons from Disney such as the Lion King, Beauty and the Beast, Shrek and Pochahontas. I don't watch these cartoons to keep girls company . I really do enjoy them. Pochahontas touched my soul.

I do not enjoy reading manga or better known as japanese comics but i love watching japanese animation especially those with humorous script or heartwarming tales.
I used to follow Naruto till i realise the episodes never seem to end . It is just too long for me to follow !!! My favourite anime of all time will be the legend of Battusai -Samurai X, Prince Of Tennis, Slam Dunk {though i didn't collect the comics} and lately upon being introduced by my friend - Hitman Reborn though it isn't my favourite but i find the characters kind of interesting and the hitman's instructor is simply adorable.

Strange, but i have never enjoyed Dragonball or Gundam like other friends my age.
I mean i do enjoy the series but i do not collect cards, figurines or comic books of them. Ultraman makes me feel like a retard if i happen to be watching it and the recent Dragonball movie is a major let down.

However, apart from Robocop , Star Trek and Star Wars, i have never laid passion towards movies that involve space shuttles, alien warfare or battle in Vietnam with tanks and bazookas . NAM the tour of duty have always failed to impress me. Apologies guys, but Donnie Yen and Rambo, its still Donnie Yen, genuine chinese kungfu! Of course bullets are faster than fist but i like my heroes to be artistic with slick movements .

Johnny 5 the android with feelings from this movie is simply fascinating. This movie brings back a lot of memories for me as a kid. He has got intelligence, humor, sense of awareness and most importantly he has feelings just like me and you.

It was tragic watching him bleeding out battery fluid as if a being was bleeding to death. It felt so real that i almost shed a tear. It felt even more miserable when he had lost his ability to speak and picked up a rock and he wrote " I am dying " on the wall with one eye coming out from its socket and one arm gone.

It was as if i was there with the robot. This movie is totally a must watch! Short Circuit 2 is just a great movie of all time.

Blogging Made Me Untrue To Sleeping

2009-03-29T03:41:00.000-07:00

" Fix me a game of tennis tomorrow" i said
Ray had it all arrange and text me on the update
I couldn't get myself up from the bed
Eventhough he was shrieking like a Persian kitty from my gate

Life's hell if one is a blogger with only one pc
Once the pc is in use, i got to que up till sunrise
It could get worse if the connection kept dc
To be a blogger in my house, i got to pay this price

Pictures need to be uploaded, i have to finish blogging
On our reviews on food and leisure spots
My love for blogging has forced me to divorce sleeping
My sleepy eyes and exchausted mind turn into conspirators of a plot

No, you guys are not seducing me to bed
Emi Fujita keep my ideas spilling wild
My thoughts are no longer in concious state
My fingers are typing to the music from the aisle

Earth Hour? Isn't Earth 24 hours?

2009-03-28T17:53:00.001-07:00

WWF urges the world to participate in restoration of our natural habitat known also as the earth. All that is required is just an hour of a world without lights from energy users but many fail to succumb to this noble pact of preservation. It is to encourage people to cut energy use and curb greenhouse gas emissions from fossil fuels. We are relying on fossil fuels to source out energy and the lights uses most energy through out the world. By generating fuels from fossils we're creating a green house effect.

It is understood if hospitals keep their lights on to preserve lives of millions of patients or firemen keep their lights on in case of emergencies. Yet, shopping malls, hotels and a lot of landed properties do not seem to play a role at all. I bet many do not know the reason behind switching off the lights.

Our government just have it advertise in newspapers, tv and the internet hoping that we will come to an understanding but many fail to realise that there are illiterate people in our society. Imagine asking an old aunty to switch off her lights and she replied "earth hour?" "Isn't earth 24 hours?"

A long stretch of houses kept their lights on without understanding the true impact that it does to Earth because of their ignorance. Who is to be blame? World Wide Foundation? the nature lovers? or our government and our media for not highlighting the motive of switching off the lights clearly? or is it the fault of us as the people for not clarifying with the media?

However, there are some culprits who do understand but refuse to compromise without realising if our earth couldn't take it any longer and perishes like any other missing planets before, it is too late to cry out regrets. These are the people who are narrow minded knowing there
are other planets billions of lightyears away but continue living in denial as if the world revolves around Earth alone.

Science and history has proven apart from the planets that are available today, there were signs of other planets long ago that were destroyed by unnatural causes. It is a big joke to see cars and motorcyclist switching off their lamps while driving around in town instead of houses switching off their lights. The idea of the lightless one hour is all messed up!

Here we are, trying our very best to rescue earth , to keep us alive for a longer life span, and look around us. Illegal motor races, under-age kids riding a bike without a license, doing a stunt believe to be the Superman { lying down forward while riding a motorcycle with legs off the paddle , facing backwards as if they are flying.}

How Can Our Country Develop If Our Ethics Are Being Downgraded?

2009-03-27T05:15:00.000-07:00

Let Him That Would Move The World, First Move Himself - Socrates. A strong quote that represents the feeling of each and everyone of us in this third world country that has been covered with haze of corruption , so much for dark and smoky that we as its people hardly see ourselves anymore. A leader for him or her to gain our recognition one must first be able to recognise himself or herself not as a minister but as a citizen of this country.

The Union Jack of our country also known to our people as the Glorious Stripes, one will know that if he or she didn't doze off during history lessons. It is suppose to be a doorway of progress among multi-races and today it is still as symbolic but nothing more. Adults who have had eleven or twelve years of school or more with a college or a university degree upon being elected as our voice in Parliament turn childish, turn cats and dogs , mocking each other like we used to do at the playground as kids.

Grown , educated adults conflicting over improper words used against each other, " You shouldn't call me a monkey, say you're sorry, say you're sorry!" instead of bringing up issues in regards to the welfare of the people . At other times " Boohoo, you call me a corruptor? " "Guess what?" " I have pictures of you naked and let's distribute it to the world wide web"

Each day i closed my newspaper with disappointment. Are these the same heroic demonstrators i have voted for? what happened to their promises and manifestos? Those strong speeches and assurance to serve the people, to offer more opportunities to the non elite races within the wings of our government, in the end it is just empty promises being blown away by the wind.

However, i got to agree that we are indeed hand in hand , united , multi racial society at all times. Our fellow countrymen, our favourite politician upon being charged for corruption remain our leader as if there never were any convictions in the first place and all of us as the people just continue being in silence , gossiping away our dissatisfaction within the walls of a pantry and continue supporting such a role model.

We are all so god damn united that we even sing about it to the world. Yet, to have our fellow countrymen humiliated with photos of her posted all over the web, instead of being thoughtful of the pain she must have suffered, we provide full support of this distribution pattern by googling for more photos. Yeah we are so united when it comes to laughing about the downfall of others,we're the experts.

It is hard for a person to be driven with motivation and confidence to voice out and contribute for our people in this country. I know if i am to run for an election i will have doubts. In order to voice out, i might be a porn star in the next edition of Who Wants To Be Our Member Of Parliament? or to be taken away in custody of a government appointed booth camp .

I heard stories about a fellow country men whom have attempted to be a revolutionary hero by quoting the steps of another revolutionist that is in detention at the moment. This dude tried to play hero and have his will delivered to a blog site running by the name of gutteruncensored that if he is found to be missing, look out for him within the grounds of our internal security act. What sort of changes will be visible upon his sacrifices? none, his act of bravery wouldn't even receive acknowledgement. A true warrior plan his strategies well before executing his plan not rush into the battlefield and try to be John Rambo.

By the way, gutter is a blog site that is a hit among bloggers and non bloggers online known for revealing the truth among celebrities, politicians, royal families, big shots, i find the facts portrayed rather convincing but i am not in support of his ways. I mean a good journalist reports on every happenings and scandals truthfully but there has to be a line drawn . Ethics , in the end of the day there are some pictures and news that shouldn't be publish for it doesn't come along with moral values.

It is rumoured that the administrator of this blog is nominated for a Pulitzer for his blogs are usually one of a kind and resourceful. A lot of dissatisfied people around the world post nude pictures and stories about a person, a celebrity or a politician to him and he claimed to have the news investigated beforehand before having it published.

How true is this? God knows. As far as my standpoint is concern, i am not his biggest fan . I wouldn't blame those who post such pictures entirely for we have turned into a scandal hungry society seeking for entertainment by breaching into the privacies of others. It is because there is such a huge demand for more photos , these people continue supplying.

What has the world become? those days we can spot the papparazis in action, nowdays we will never know who will be on the next front page online. Another Princess D dies in a fatal accident, we wouldn't know which papparazi to be held responsible .

Lost

2009-03-25T14:04:00.001-07:00

Sleepless, Drowsy, Confused
Three best words to describe lack of caffeine me today
Have not had the courtesy of the morning news
For i have been asleep till this very day

Awaiting and still awaiting for that golden shot at opportunity
Decisions that will change my life forever
Leaving behind a legacy
Even Elvis sang about it, its now or never

At this moment of breakthrough, will i seem to be a sinful question
There isn't time for will i ? instead i must, and i must succeed
Catching up with age is not an exception
Under any circumstances i shall proceed

- Some people quote the taste of success is like the feeling of bumping into a orshin krasiva and being able to be with one of such calibre.

Ballroom Dancing Isn't A Gaysport

2009-03-25T13:52:00.000-07:00

Tidak ku duga akan ku cuba
Menyelami Jiwaku sambil berdanza
Meskipun ada umpatan dan kata kata
Sejauh mana kemampuanku , ku teroka

Pernah ku terfikir tidak sama sekali
Sukar bagiku membelakangi ego selaku lelaki
Tergelek- gelek kencang , adat menari
Kini ku sedar akan nilai seni

Menari bukan sekadar berjoget dan berpesta
Unsur tarian membawakan jawapan
Gerak geri ditemani nada
Nilai kesopanan dipelajari, melahirkan budiman

Seni tari beratus tahun
Habla Espanyol bukan setakat jaringan gol
Pokok sebatang bukan hanya berunsurkan daun
Penghormatan pada anak gadis, terukirnya tatacara yang betul

Dancing Isn't All About Competing

2009-03-25T13:43:00.000-07:00

I dance when i'm excited or when things turn bad
To seek solace, away from pretentious people
Pouring out every bitterness when lights turn dim and the tune seem sad
Feeling insecure towards a make believe world

I dance to preserve memories of thee
Not hungry for fame, glory or medals
Someday i shall dance for her to see
Away from intoxicated tongues ,keep running until

I dance to watch my momma smile
And for one moment , i forgot how cruel can life be
To watch momma proud just for that little while
Its the only topic that brings her close to me

I dance when i'm fed up, losing the will to live
Entrapped in a black hole of hypocritical lies
Invested so much of energy when we jive
Along with exchaustion, my misery dies

I rhumba to every soulful tune
No teachers, classmates or paid off spectators
No other beat apart from my heartbeat, music to my room
No competitions, no commentators , no unnecessary pressures

I dance to my existence
To note every step i took in time's passage
Dancing as i see isn't a commitment
Just another medium for me to transmit my message

I dance not to figure out how good am i
I do not require moves in search of identity
I just need an excuse as time flies by
To accomodate to my tormented soul for you're not here with me

I dance because i do love dancing
Never because you want me to
Though it is as addictive as drinking
Yet it really brings me out of the blue

Do not feel indebted or in anyway guilty
Participate, compete if recognition is what you seek
My fingers crossed , while singing to thy victory
Believe in oneself if one is to hit it big

Why Me?

2009-03-25T13:17:00.000-07:00

This is my situation
Upon coming to this world , Doctors have it foreseen my time of death
When my fragile eyes first welcome light and at this very instant
,Mom and Dad were told about the day i would lose breath

I watched tears roll down from mama's cheek
Kept asking myself are those drops of joy?
Or sound of her silence for my clock's losing its tick
I spent my elementary years at home unlike an ordinary boy

Peers my age have lots of time to slack around and waste
Yet, i have none , none other than time to stay awake and pray
For if i ever dare to close my eyes , i would fall into a maze
I am afraid , i would sleep forever, forever not find my way

Unlike others, i see the Angel Of Death quite often
He wishes to bring me home despite me explaining that i am home
I kept begging for more time, and all this years i've been given
Never seem to have enough, towards family and friends i've not known

I would leave anytime soon
There isn't a ticket that could tell my time of departure
Why must it be this year? Why so soon?
Why must it be me? Can you listen to my prayer?

Life's A Bowl Of Soup

2009-03-25T12:31:00.001-07:00

A night with my friends have always been a little pinch of everything just like spices in a nyonya recipe. The companionship of my friends of bizarre characters have never failed to make my life nothing less than interesting although lately i feel rather bored going out with my friends, perhaps i have come to age , grown out of Peter Pan's Neverland.

Nowdays nothing excites me more than hunting for goldmines or money making sources and spending more quality time at home with my family and blogs. Hours ago, during our midnight tea session an aspiring author to be friend of mine kept declaring his ideas of having a book publish. A manual on methods for young guys or to be precise school boys to gain the attention of school girls and techniques in spreading the language of love.

Honestly, when the idea was brought forward to my sarcastic ears at that time, i was not accepting it well. I even mocked his ideas for being unrealistic and childish . Yet, upon taking some time into consideration, the effort he has poured in order to bring this idea to life and upon seeing how serious he is, i have decided to provide my full support. This highly determined friend of mine has invested a lot of time , day and night in doing research and quoting tips from other authors as well as experts in this field gathered online and through books.

My naive friend has never been with a girl before but his bold enough to carry on with such risk in his hands, i admire his guts and determination. I know i wouldn't have the courage to jeopardise my reputation and savings on ideas that i feel has a high risk of failure.

However, there were times he would isolate himself from the world, and as i questioned his motives, i was informed that he was trying to detach from wordly affairs in order to reach his spiritual self. At times he seemed like a spiritualist who doesn't ponder on life's material gains, but at other times his preoccupied with a lot of new ideas, innovative approach to get rich such as this one which is quite recent - to sell his books and the only reason his filled with such confidence that his book will be a bestseller is because he is an inexperienced boy too therefore he knows how these boys think. I am confused by his reasoning and his standpoints in life but who am i to question ?

Another friend of mine is more towards the gore aspects of life. He claims to have visions and are able to foresee vague images of our future at times through rapid projections and at times through tarot cards in his hands. Old people says dreams are projections of our hidden intent or sometimes messages trying to provide us hints on some situations before its occurance. My friend has dreams of being brutally tortured and dreams of torturing and brutally murdering people that we know. Dreams that can only fill the air with the smoke of hatred and vengeance. It is to my personal opinion that he just need a new girl in his life, he is in lack of love.

So, tell me, how can my life not be interesting? I have a friend with new, ridiculous ideas every year, i also have a friend who is a promising serial killer, if i am an ingredient to a soup, i am one messed up ingredient plus my friends , ingredients that will bring this world a soup to remember.

- cops and member of the city council, the language and terms applied in this writing of mine are just my fruitful thought of the day. This isn't a revelation that my friends are potential criminals. By any chance , if a foolish young boy is ripped off his savings on some phony book or someone is found brutally murdered, it has nothing to do with me or my friends. Haha

Beauty & The Beast

2009-03-25T12:27:00.001-07:00

The question she raised got me thinking"Am i really beautiful" she asked
Yes dear you are indeed, beautiful among other beautiful beings
From the very first instance i set eyes on you, this part of my memory i have learned to trust
Every girl in my eyes , is beautiful in her very own way

There can be no deform or ugly girl
Just as the blinds uses senses to see if one may
Try to look at the brightside of life, a place every girl is an angel
A girl would soon grow up and mother a child
Upon giving birth, she will lose her figure
Outlooks to a girl is as sacred as River Nile
Thus imagine the pain out of the sacrifices she has to endure

Every girl has ambitions, has dreams
Upon being a mother, that dream remains a dream
For now , a girl has a new dream, to bring me and you into this scene
A woman's love is the biggest and most touching tale i have ever seen

Is there a goddess? if there is, then which religion does she hold?
It is hard to tell about forces that is not visible to our naked eyes
I refuse to stick to belief, to myth that has been brought down and told
Yet i am convinced every girl is a goddess, for their time and effort are not lies

To my mother and to all the ladies and girls around, i love and worship
You may think that i am not aware, but i do feel the pain of giving birth
This may sound really emotional and deep
Yet if there is a Nobel Prize for unforeseen courage, i want one for my mom as her cert

Bored!!! It can kill you!

2009-03-25T02:36:00.000-07:00

Wu Liao!! Wu Liao!! life has been a lot more on the dull side these days that my friends are either sleeping, procrastinating, or inviting me for a joy ride to chase after sunsets. The idea of sunsets sounded way too awesome and usually i receive such invites from girls but today will be the first time i'm going sunset hunting with a guy. God Bless My Broken Soul.

My friend intent to gather more photos to stock images for his photo gallery of himself and our food blog. I couldn't believe my eyes! there is actually a time i will run out of passion to party, to booze and dance around . The time has come , i'm bored of going out, rather keep myself busy at home be it composing music or tidying up my blogs.

Ringo plays the same songs, does the same gig, smile out the most lustful of all smiles every week in Jonker, i wonder if his ever tired of repeating the same routine? Big time clubbers in kl visit clubs every week, even at times when money run short, they will still club by compensating liquour with water.

I have had the exclusive opportunity to interview some of my friends on clubbing. According to these untamed souls, clubbing is not just a passion it is a culture that no one can ever get bored out of it. Keep clubbing is like eating, if they're bored with one club then just visit another and another and another till all the clubs are visited then re-start, back to square one. Yea, how genius of them living in such lies. Changing clubs is still clubbing, wouldn't they ever get bored with the concept?

I know i'm truly bored with clubs and bistros , in search of a new place to release my anxiety and act like a bunch of simpletons all over again. I long to jump around and go Wow! wahh!! have never seen such a place!!! this is the best moment of my life! woo hooo! and yea upon visiting every single place there is, i know this moment will never come back , unless i plan an escapade, to explore over the great seas.

Angel text me via msn yesterday and she said "You've finally grow out of it" "All of this will make you bored except God" well i hope God is efficient enough in creating his miracles for me. I'm running out of patience, i'm bored!!

Who Am I?

2009-03-24T03:38:00.000-07:00

4.31am. Last i stole a glance at my mobile phone. My eyes remain as wide open as the moon above the Cherokee mountains. I have tried every way possible to end this restlessness and doze off besides ramming my head against the 7th foot plastered concrete known to all of us as my wall.

Continously staring fiercely, looking straight up to the dark skies above , nothing to be seen today, its all pitch black, nothing at all as i continue to be in search of constellations to keep my mind pre-occupied. My eyes glare in the night as i look out my window as if a guard dog is on duty , refusing to fall out of my shift.

My FM on the radio played a korean track which lyrics i don't really get except for Because Of You so the title of the song is most probably that. Years ago, the FM station seem like a stranger to me, i thought it was Mild FM. I didn't listen much to chinese programs or mix with chinese speaking friends for i couldn't complete a conversation in chinese.

I am blessed with friends whom constantly speak chinese to me eventhough my chinese sucks big time at that point in my life and i've probably replied to them in an accent that sounded like Mongolian.I speak to my friends daily, quite so often that my mandarin begin to show its improvement. Understanding the language has given birth to a new me, I started to read more on chinese history, chinese war stories {translated version} , listen to chinese songs and keep myself a loyal fan of chinese dramas and as time goes by my chinese improved drastically that a chinese school teacher roll her eyes in disbelief upon being told that i am not chinese educated.

I recall being mocked by my English speaking friends for blending with the chinese educated known to them only as ah bengs or ah liens. I could not bother less to explain to them that enjoying chinese dramas, culture and being chinese educated isn't ah beng or ah liens. Ah Beng or Ah Liens ought to be labels for posers, chinese who do not act chinese.
Stereotyping, yes that was what it was all about.

Clowns playing rednecks behaving like white americans forgetting that they are of the asian origins ,look in the mirror, there's no escape to that.Dressing up like a rap star with blings and a cap, a fake american accent while tuning in to rap and soul isn't a crime but to isolate other asians or chinese who do not support this cause is a crime towards our ancestors , our identity.

The African Americans upon 800 years of opression invented their own music, their own fashion line, their own rap accent and prove to the world that the black culture represents pride, a symbol of progress , a sign of independence for daring to be different. Us asians, tried so hard to be like the blacks , trying so hard to be cool unaware that nothing is more cool than to play ourselves. In the end these posers are the laughing stocks of Asia.

We should learn to appreciate invention and good stuff from the West especially good music, good food,good clothes and their futuristic ideas as a sign of willingness to progress but not till the extent of forgetting who we are? how we came about? our beginnings.

Why dream about making it big in Wall Street if we fail to create a name along the Silk Road?Neverending changes in regime, dynasties, caused wars which lead to numerous destructions, the rich became poor, royal families turn to isolation. The only inheritance left from our ancestors that remain unharm are our cultures.

My eyes are all watery and exchausted . My fingers are all sore and shivering. Its been ages since i last write pages of compositions with a pen. Its at times like this i look highly upon those who write with brushes .

I am starting to see things. A mirage of Gobi Dessert with lots of stars above sticking to each other as if they are trying to blanket me to sleep. Time for me to take a sip of water before i start seeing cactus and camels doing the cha cha.

What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?

2009-03-20T15:33:00.000-07:00

"I expect more from you, you can do very well but you choosed to remain playful" a very wise lecturer once told me. Till this very day, her words of wisdom kept haunting me. I was a fickel minded character. Upon the completion of O Levels i didn't chase after my ambition instead i seek opinions from guidance councellors and education officers on the course which has the largest job prospect after graduation. Hospitality, i did my Hotel and tourism Management course along with its industrial training only to realise that i have been stepping my foot into the wrong shoes. These shoes just simply do not fit!

I switched to law although my mom disagreed for it was in her opinion that it is too serious for me. "Law is a dry subject and soon you will lose all interest in it" she said. True enough, after our A Levels, most of my coursemates head for KL to pursue their degree in law and as for me , i am laid back here attempting to pursue a law degree from the University Of London as a private candidate. I do not have the discipline and motivation necessary to self study from home. Hence, i delayed my studies and started job hopping.

Flashing back, a switch from a hotel background which was filled with excitement and challenges to something as strict and dry as law has been a drastic change of atmosphere for myself. I was too naive believing that as long as i have the ability to reason, to construct a good arguement and to write creatively and expressively i can do very well in the field of law.

Eversince i was a kid i have dreamed of becoming a lawyer , an entrepreneur or a writer. Television misleaded me and have me believed that lawyers are the vigilantes of courtrooms. Upon learning and seeing with my naked eyes the reality of practising law, every hope and aspirations turned dry. In reality lawyers are basically interpretors of statutes and the profession is not really as gung ho as it seemed on tv. Oh my life and death is in your hands o barrister, you are my light, my saviour...fuhhh ...dramatic but not in real life.

In genuine and proper proceedings, everything has to be done according to procedures, documents by documents, presentation by presentation, appeal by appeal and the process can consume months, years, ages!! and after all these effort, the verdict may not be one's desired decision.

Law is indeed challenging but i cannot find space to express myself freely and creatively through law essays. My favourite subjects are criminal law and English Legal System for subjects such as these gives me room for reasoning and creative thinking but it gets dry and dry upon learning about contracts and agreements and other grey areas of law.It is interesting having the privillege to argue on both phases but it changes to really dull upon subjects that required us to follow everything by the book.

I wanted to continue my law degree part time even though i have no intention of practising law in court . Perhaps , i just do not wish to quit a journey that i have begin walking.After all these years of working and doing a lot of thinking, i realised how lost i was , undecided and i told myself i can no longer live in this way. A Jack Of All Traits is indeed a Master Of None.
In order to reach a destination, my decisions must be firm, so i have decided, to finish my law degree when i have the luxury of time and a successful career lying ahead.

I bumped into an old friend whom has just graduated months ago from UKM. My friend is a graduate from the faculty of engineering but due to the economic downturn he could not land himself any decent jobs and ended up working for Thai Kuang Bookstore. I asked him about his problem and he replied that his major problem will be his language barrier. My poor friend as highly educated as he is with a degree in electrical engineering cannot bypass interviews with private corporations because his command of English is weak.

I thought to myself, a lot of our youth nowdays are not proficient in the English Language. How can i help them? I need a degree and it is also my aspiration to contribute to society and i believe by taking up TESL i am able to guide the young and improvised myself. I am undertaking the necessary preparations at the moment.

If everything goes as plan, i shall be able to tutor part time and run my own cafe before i touch 40.

How Did I Fall In Love With Ink ?

2009-03-20T14:37:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time in my life, as a matter of fact all my life i have been bold enough to accept critism as well as endless compliments on my talent as to whether my writings and expressions are mere fiction or that i am truly gifted.

During schooldays though i have lots of friends but i am always alone. I am bad at expressing my dissatisfaction or good intent verbally and most of the time people tend to mis-interprete my reasoning and my points therefore i grow up befriending ink and paper . In ability to write, i find peace of mind , i found my solitude.

It all started from writing love letters for my friends till it is my turn to correspond letters from a very special girl , my first love, my puppy love. It was during that year, that fall, we met and she seem to be able to read my thoughts without me having to put them unto paper.

As any guy my age would react , at that time i thought it was love at first sight. I grow up only to realise that it was merely an infactuation. I enjoyed her encouragements, enjoyed her company and the way she would wait for me everyday after school ,after everyone has left the school grounds, just two souls offering ears to each other. I enjoyed the times we spent but as i mature in life, i understood that it was just pure friendship.

Gifted? such strong word with many interpretations. During my schooling days, English teachers are usually fond of me or perhaps i should say they are fond of my essays. I recall at the age of eleven, my tuition teacher refused to believe at the beginning that the essay on American slavery , the struggles of Abraham Lincoln and civil rights for the African American is my composition. My teacher shook her head with disbelief giving me a remark i can never forget " Nick, you write with a lot of emotions, if i do not know you, i would think its written by a black student"

During secondary years, i begin to recite poetry and later on begin composing pieces of my own. As i write i tend to fall deeper into my writings and at the age of adolescence all i can think about are issues on romance and friendship thus each of my early days poems are mostly based on love , heartbreak experiences or a pile of compliments on different ladies. I am influenced by the ways of the poets from the olden days painting a beauty out a lady through writings.

My bold approach in writing and delivering poems to ladies grow more constant during college and have caused a great deal of misunderstanding among some ladies and some of my friends to doubt my work of being an instrument of seduction, cupid's arrows or more precisely flirtatious and deceiving.

I do not have a specific pattern to descibe my style of compositions. I do not think unworthily of those who doubted my writings for those constructive critism that i have received helped build my confidence and motivated me to expand my knowledge to be a true artist and not merely on love poems. Hence, to all readers of my writings, be it praises or criticism, thanks a lot, you guys have been of great help.

When Can We Ever Improve ??

2009-03-19T01:15:00.000-07:00

The newly grads and the jobless are strucked by waves of difficulty
Got a Diploma, Degree and a PHD
Still queing up in the list of to be
It is all because of the bad Economy

More and more dudes are losing their jobs
The remaining ones receives a pay cut
Everyone white and blue collar are living in doubts
Some moved from their bungalows into a hut

Qualifications too supreme for a junior post
For managerial level we're in lack of experiences
The PHD staring at the O Levels, nothing left to boast
Certificates are as good as torn to pieces

Times are bad, its the wrong time to graduate
Quitting a job for the better?
We are as well as dead
There's still a long road ahead to suffer

- The price of petrol and other goods have increased and private companies and corporations instead of being more lenient and having more empathy, cut off salaries instead to save their own ass and cover their own budget. The fortunate ones suffer from a 50% salary cut, the unfortunate ones 100%, meaning no longer have to wake up for work. This is how our private sectors support us in times of need.

- Our Road and Works Ministry kept their word, and decrease the price of toll on the highway for several booth but only after midnight and because of their "good deeds" they have the assent to build more tol booth to compensate on their so called loss.

- We pay all sorts of tax but certain authorities used it to build ferris wheel and call it our Eyes. Say if we have eyes, we would have utilize the money for something better. Those responsible are turning our place into an amusement park instead of using our hard earned income tax to increase the pay of our police force so that they would stop asking for bribery and to overcome the traffic problem perhaps by contructing LRT?? o yes, they promise to do that by 2010 or is it 2015? because now they are too busy having internal wars and finger point at each other.

Friends

2009-03-18T01:27:00.000-07:00

Upon creation friends are divided into two
The reliable ones and the ones just to fill in
Reliable ones will always remain true
The fill ins are like pastel colors just to make life more amusing

There are friends who would go to any extent to see me happy
There are also friends who are anticipating for my fall just for entertainment
There are friends who would try to ease my worries
And those who exaggerate things i mentioned till it becomes a different definition

They are masters of propaganda
Nothing excites them more than to bullshit about a friend
Deceiving others into a state of Maya
Some with and some without intent

I speak of one word
It is spread to a hundred interpretation
Not concluding what they've heard
It is all based on their ignorant assumption

The fantastic part is the people around
People actually buy their stories
Now i'm confused, whose the real clown?
People who take gossips as factual stories?

Past vs Present

2009-03-17T22:25:00.000-07:00

I long to hear your voice each day
Nothing excites me more than a phone call from you
No obstacle can ever get in our way
For no matter what happens, i just want to be with you

Does this sound familiar?
These are stanzas from the oath and vows young girls produce nowdays
Guys are known to be players, but in today's game girls are better liars
And us guys will grow soft and believe what we hear

A lot of young ladies i have known
Betrayed their own identity for wealth and fame
Such greed in them that have long grown
Love to their eyes is worth nothing more than a game

Young ladies whom i have known before
Perceived love as sacred,none betrayal
Eventhough times were tough and debts came knocking on the door
Love is something that no money can buy over, ever after is to stay loyal

- inspired by the love epic of Emil Chow the hong kong based singer whom life story seemed to be a legendary romance novel to myself. Emil before he was famous, his just another street performer who goes around with his guitar trying to earn a living in the streets of France and it was in France that he met the love of his life and this french lady struggled through the hardships of life with Emil till he achieves stardom and she is still by his side today as his beloved wife.

- Outing with my friends at night, almost every night and they kept discussing about girls and how girls are more manipulative, greedy and self centered nowdays. I wish i do not have to agree with them but it is true that majority girls that i have known today are really selfish and they are willing to betray their own identity to obtain another identity which is untrue, pretentious and not themselves.

I have a friend who have slept with her talent scout and sponsors to boost up her modelling career, i also have friends who goes around sleeping with random guys for the pleasure of it and not to miss out a friend who sleeps around with a married man not for love but just for his money as she proclaimed. At one moment a girl can story tell on how much of love she has for a guy and even if the world ends and skies starts to meteor shower , she would remain to be in love for the guy is the one and months later she's with another guy and she's having a dilemma, not out of guilt but a dilemma on how to ditch the old for the new. Young ladies nowdays, majority of them will betray their conscience for material gain.

Young girls from the olden days although are more traditional but they have a sense of respect and appreciation towards this bond we call love. Young girls of the past take love matters seriously thus they do not simply accept the love of some guy but only accept the one that her heart truly desires. Eventhough young girls that have been match made and have no love in the beginning learned to stay faithful and eventually love grows.

It is great to see how long relationships work those days compared to nowdays.
It is undeniable that there are still fine young ladies around with good personality , i am merely referring to those who are not. Yet again, i agree with Ying that it takes two to clap, where there's demand there is also supply, so if there are some chics who turned rotten it could be because of some guys or the media or lack of attention from parents or presssure from peers.

In conclusion there are rotten chics because there are rotten guys or vise versa. Please do not get the wrong idea, i have not suffered from being mistreated by my ex -gf before, this piece is written based on the stories told to me by my friends.

My son, my son. Where are you?

2009-03-16T02:28:00.000-07:00

"My son, my son have you seen my son?"
It is the same words she would repeat again and again
Though her funny actions may bring a lot of fun
Yet i feel her sadness and her never ending pain

Seen smiling all the time
Annoyed some people for keep bringing up the same question
Poor old lady just sitting around waiting for her time
Begging for nothing more than a son's affection

I remain standing and listening to her stories
For besides all that, i can't figure out what to do?
She is lonely , forsaken and filled with disease
How else am i going to help her? but to visit her out of the blue

Abandoned in an old folks home
Son pays for her stay monthly but never to be seen
I believe he wishes for his mom to live like a queen on a throne
Least expected that all that she ever wanted is to be with him

My son, my son is that you?
Were the last words i hear from her
She grabbed my hand and said " Son , i love you"
My soul was moved as i secretly shed a tear

- there was a point in my life, that i had to visit Grandma in the Home for she was diagnosed with a weird disease caused by diabetes and she cannot move her body, need to have her urine circulated through a plastic container and receive blood tranfusion from time to time .

At that time we wanted to bring her home, but none of us have the medical expertise to look after her and she needed to be injected several times a day and if any of us jab it down her vein wrongly it might cost us her life . As much as our self conciousness disagree , we put her in the home for a few months because there are nurses over there who could provide 24 hours medical attention.

Eventhough it was also in her opinion that we send her to the home, but i feel guilty deep inside and i believe my family members feel the same way too. All of us cannot wait to bring her back home especially myself and true enough after a few months we brought her back home when she is able to stand up and feeling less pain. It was during my visits to the home that i have met several old ladies and paid attention to their stories.

Think Before You Decide Or Die With Regrets

2009-03-16T02:20:00.000-07:00

Everywhere i turned is covered with ice
Shivering in cold sweat in search of warmth
Every step of mine is stalked by thousands of eyes
Feeling so naked searching for a piece of cloth

Keep on running for the exit of this never ending maze
Not a soul around just the silent company of regret
Could have build a path to happier days
Now its too late, hunted by remorse of those i'm in debt

Dare not spark fire nor shelter in a cave
My deserving soul is stained, tainted with sin
Bygones was the love daringly commit now no longer so brave
Denied by the after life, ashamed from the places i have been

Playing music without chords just as my life without a course
Dancing alone in the mercy of the ice queen
Paranoia has taken over my moment and every slideshow of memories i have lost
This is the outcome for causing the unspoken hurt, the unforgivable sin

Row Model

2009-03-14T13:39:00.000-07:00

Once in my life, i made a wish every night
I thought to be like him is cool
To have beautiful girls left and right
Watching him playing the organ, girls sharing the one same stool

Once as a young lad
I looked up on his style and charm
Mislook his kind traits and learned up all the bad
Now looking back, i feel so dumb

Once i made him my row model
Aspired to grow up and compliment girls the way he did
He seemed so confident whenever his with a girl
All i wanted was to play my music to his beat

And so i grow up with his confidence in me
I've had his luck and my wish was granted
Yet i do not feel happy, for this isn't me
Though roses were complimenting me the thorn and i was flattered

I am shy by nature and i am still one today
In the past, girls need to approach me if they wish to be friends
I still tremble though i hide it well nowdays i should say
Always trying to appear confident in front of my friends

Gems That No Money Can Buy

2009-03-14T12:19:00.000-07:00

Once i bring up the topic of gems that no money can purchase, a lot of my peers responded in various answers. Names of all sorts of stones came out one by one but in my opinion our older generation are the sort of gems that no money can buy.

As an invidual i may be labelled as traditional or in our local slang known as kolot but i grow up learning from my dad to love, respect and appreciate the existence of our older generation such as our parents, grandparents, great grandparents, ancestors and other grand relatives that have long kicked the bucket and those that are still around.

I believe without the effort and contributions of our older generation, we wouldn't be able to enjoy such beautiful and unique heritage today. Hence, no matter how stubborn , childish,arguementative or unreasonable my older generation can be at times, i try my best to tolerate and reason with them in the nicest way possible . I consider myself fortunate to not possess a boiling temper such as my grand-dad from my mom's side. My grand-dad has a typical Baba temper and for those who grew up in peranakan household, you would understand the meanings behind my words.

Pardon me for segregating between my mom's side and dad's side for both my grandparents are still around. I find myself extremely lucky for i am able to chat, joke around and hao soon also known as stay fillial to my cho cho and gua mah for a lot of my friends have not the opportunity to meet their ancestors.

My sisters will tease me at times, nick-naming me the cucu kesayangan or favourite grandson for my grand-dad { the one with the temper} will occasionally call for me when nobody is available to babysit him. My grand-dad suffered from cardiovascular disease or a situation whereby blood clot blocks an artery and interrupts the blood flow to the brain also known as stroke or brain attack to medical students.

Bad temper will cause us to lose a lot of friends and it is sad especially during old age. My sisters are nice girls but i can understand the times they hesitate to look after this grand-dad of mine for although we try to be nice to him, all the words that comes out from his mouth are just unbearable and hurtful at times.

I am no God and i do admit that i hesitated at first too, but looking at his condition and how lonely he is, i just could not pretend that nothing happened and close an eye. Therefore, each time he calls for me, like it or not i ended up baby-sitting him unless i am really busy or i am not home .

Also, if i disagree to look after him, my grandma will not be able to go out and get some fresh air, meet some people and blend around. My grandma{ mom's mother} has got a heart of an angel. I grew up witnessing ways of her being tormented emotionally by my grand-dad and most women in her shoes will have just seek for a divorce but she stayed with him throughout all these years with patience, love and care.

My cho cho left us to be in the arms of God when i was ten years of age. Yet, memories of her remain fresh in my mind. I do recall that evening at about 8pm. Nobody was at home except for me and my little sister and i received a phone call from my grand-aunt informing us that my grandma has been certified to have passed away and i still remember how shocked i was at that time and every part of me started crying but my eyes could not shed any tears for i kept reminding myself that i am a guy and i should not appear panic or to be in despair.

I have learned to appear independent and responsible eversince i was seven. I chased away our babysitter and at that time i only had a sister, the youngest is yet to see this world. I told my mom that i can take care of my sister at home and we do not need to waste money on hiring a babysitter moreover she kept tailing me everywhere even to the toilet. The babysitter watched me pee and refused to allow me to have the toilet door closed. It was from that day onwards, that it was just me and my sister.

I am the oldest grandchild from both sides of my family and although i may not be the smartest { my sisters are academically better} but i believe i have this responsibility to set a good example to my sisters and my cousins when it comes to loving the elders. I am not a perfect individual or a row model for grand-sons all over the world. I do have my flaws and there were times upon the stages of growing up that i may have hurt the feelings of my elders but i am trying day by day to show them as much unconditional love as i can.

There was this time grandma{dad's mom} was warded in the hospital for almost a month. It happened more than two years ago and frictions of my memories can remember these moments for i just broke up with my girlfriend and i was still sad about it eventhough it had been months back. Upon being told that my grandma's feet lost its senses and apparently she fainted, we got an ambulance that brought her to the nearest hospital. I visited her day by day from the time she was in the ICU till she was transferred to the normal ward.

The whole month i was sitting by her bed , feeding her, and talking to her and eventhough i understood that i will not be able to change her clothes for her, or bathe her or care for her as detailed as the nurses but i still made an attempt to visit her day by day for i know she is rather lonely all by herself in the ward and visits from her grandchild might just cheer her up and true enough she was happy and had a better appetite. I am not trying to prove anything or to win an award for the best grandchild . I have always regretted for not being able to speak to my cho cho during the last hours of her life and i do not wish to repeat the same mistake.

My mom was hospitalised last year for a tiroid surgery . There is a lump that can be seen from her throat and i was so worried that i could not sleep for nights anxiously awaiting for morning to come so that i can pay a visit to the hospital. My whole point is , we would not be here if its not for our older generation, therefore we should spend more time with them especially when they are sick and in need of our care. Care does not mean just by paying for their expenses and hospital bills. It certainly does not mean by working overtime and earning more money to give them more allowances but not have the time to spend with them.

Old folks will be happy just by our presence eventhough we may not be able to buy them castles or mansions or treat them to abalone and sharks fin dishes daily. You know what makes our older generation the most happiest people alive? to be successful and bring up the family's name in a righteous way. To climb up the ladder clean and most importantly to visit them from time to time. Time to time does not mean one year once unless you're living abroad.

Stop Cruelty Against Women

2009-03-13T01:02:00.000-07:00

Please stop hitting me
If you love me as much as you say
Please learn to speak to me
Fist and elbow isn't the way

Please stop painting all these bruises all over my body
You said you're feeling a lot of pain
Yet, why?? why hit me??
Why again and again?

You have problems at work
You have a mid life crisis
Whipping me just wouldn't work
Please stop acting like a beast

You claimed to be tired of my nagging
Hence smacked me on the head
Pushed me against the wall till i am bleeding
I was in cold sweat thinking i would have been dead

Why am i treated this way?
For years we've shared the same bed, the same promise
Is loving me till death do us apart long forgotten today?
Is this how you shower your love on me? is this your idea of a cruel tease?

Why me? why put all the effort to win my heart?
For all you need is a sandbag
One that you can punch and kick really hard
Perhaps by hitting a living sandbag like me you can go around and brag

Please stop hitting me and calling me with all sorts of names
I'm not your slave , let me die with pride
Please release me from your psychopatic games
Is this too much to ask? all i want is to be your loving bride

Internet-Is it helpful or harmful?

2009-03-12T14:50:00.000-07:00

It worries me for my photos to be taken nowdays
Quite recently videos too
For the internet is being abused in lots of ways
Along with stories that are true and untrue

Busybody me used to log in to some of these sites
Upon hearing rumors about a scandalous celebrity or politician
Now i understand that this isn't right
To seek entertainment over somebody else's humiliation

The way videos and photos are uploaded these days
Portrays the downfall of moral values within our society
Bloggers and photographers who seek fame in such despicable ways
Don't they have any sense of responsibility?

The victims may have been our sister or brother
Don't this question ever bothered them?
We're they not breastfed by a mother?
To disgrace other mothers without any sense of guilt

If Only

2009-03-12T14:23:00.000-07:00

If only men learn to compromise
Politicans cannot wilfully murder and proclaim
If only we can learn to share our pot of rice
Massacre of billions would not have begin

If only grown men can learn to put away our differences
Innocent children and women may not have suffered
If only we start thinking for benefits of others
Our children's plea will eventually be heard

If only humans can stop living in denial
Attempting to overthrow one another
Only to use excuses such as the law of survival
The truth is we just wanted to prove we're better

If only we can learn to love others the way we love ourselves
Life will be a much awaited place to live in
A world without posers, backstabbers and friends who think of nothing but themselves
At night before bedtime we will be anxious for sunlight to be seen

If only we remember the contributions of Ghandi and Mother Theresa
We will be ashamed of the society we have become
Selfish, inconsiderate and materialistic near and far
Perhaps we will start asking ourselves "How come?"

Dondang Sayangku

2009-03-12T13:22:00.000-07:00

Si nona hatiku
Wajah berserimu terpahat indah
Sering ku menyoal diriku
Apakah lagu rinduku kedengaran di serata pelusuk dunia?

Si nona yang nun jauh ku merindu
Ku faham hatimu yang lembut masih diselubungi api kemarahan
Kata kata mu pada kenalanku meskipun bagai menconteng arang pada wajahku
Namun ku faham ia tidak berunsurkan keikhlasan

Si nona dengarlah ku berdondang
Berdondang sayang memohon kemaafan
Janganlah hidup sambil menentang
Hidup lebih berseri jikalau nona belajar memaafkan

Desas desus yang nona hebohkan
Tidak sama sekali ku ambil hati
Ku tidak akan sekali kali mengubah pandangan
Meskipun nona terus membenci

Si nona yang mengubah hidupku
Akan ku kenang selagi hayatku dikandung badan
Janganlah berhasrat untuk ku membencimu
Kerana cintaku padamu tidak bersempadan

Nonaku yang jauh belayar
Jauh sekali dari pelukanku
Kenangan kita yang manis kian pudar
Yang tinggal hanyalah irama laguku

- To have loved and being loved by someone is a joy that can never find its place among words. To have live and to have love, never regret it eventhough all that is left are sweet memories.

There are some people who do not believe in love and some find it to be an excuse for self comfort or self pity. I have experienced the sweet and bitter faces of life and relationships and never once have i given up on love. This applies not just for lovebirds but relationship among family and friends as well. It is to my bold opinion that to have learned to love is to have learned to live life .

Dalai Lama - Hatred cannot be overcome with hatred, only with love can hatred cease.

Never Felt Its Importance Till Dificulty Strucks

2009-03-11T10:38:00.000-07:00

Never knew how essential the internet is to me
Not until the storm of difficulty pays me a visit
Not able to blog and pour out feels like a tragedy
Have never felt such misery, now i do admit defeat

DNS server goes down brings a lot of problems to connectivity
Emails, facebooks, blogspots and every single virtual site
Unable to access, most of the time laggy leaving everyone in anxiety
It is time our internet provider to be taught a lesson, we should start to bite

It may not solve much, but someone need to be accountable
Even Singapore has a back up plan, where's ours?
O yes, our internet service provider aren't really reliable
To keep their cash in their pockets, they rather torture consumers

To buy an alternative route to face such situation
To suffer a bit of loss but keeping consumers with excellent services
It will never be in their mission statement
For they would rather close an eye than to come out with more expenses

Goodbye Uncle Kevin-The Uncle I Barely Know

2009-03-11T09:15:00.000-07:00

I can't barely remember the last time we spoke
Shared a lot of childhood dreams and adventures together
I've always thought you're pretending to be slow, a sleazy joke
Never expect to not see you again after this Chinese New Year

As hard as i try to grasp on the last words you've said to me
I realised its been ages since i've last paid you a visit
Now i can only visit you within the grounds of a cemetery
Once again i am too late,i know you've been fighting till your very last heart beat

Though you were different from other kids but you're filled with sense of humor
You seemed fragile like an open target for bullies
Deep inside, your courage surpasses everyone around here
It is a worldly loss to passed away at 21 with an unknown disease

Though you're my uncle but you're four years younger
Never in my wildest imagination that you would be leaving before me
Now i can only express my love for you in tear
Now i can only express to the tombstone in front of me

In between the drums and lion dancing
I see weeping faces and closed doors
Should we continue celebrating?
Will you rest in peace within Singapore's shores?

As hard as it gets, it is time to let go
Life has been unfair to you since your very first day
I hope you're at someplace better, i really do pray for so
Perhaps you've been suffering for a long time, and its best for it to end this way